get in the car and the car would break off and go into another direction. My dad once told us we were going on a vacation to pretend that there was a concrete block wall between my brother Mark and I. We fought for 200 miles about exactly where the wall was. Then I told him that I pulled a block out of the wall I could reach through and touch him. It's character. Or Bobby pushes his sister, Susie. She cries. You walk into the room. Here's what you say. "Bobby, say you're sorry." He's not. There's nothing sorry about this boy. Why would you tell him to do that? And Bobby says this. "Sorry." He's obviously not a bit sorry. You say, "Bobby, say it like you mean it." He doesn't. And so Bobby goes, "Sorry." You say, "Bobby, at least say it like a sentence, like people talk." "I'm sorry." You see, there's no character development in that. You're asking this child to be just a glorious little hypocrite and you know what he will learn? He will learn it's best not to do mean things when mom's near. That's not character, that just becoming a smart sinner. 10:55 And so you turn around, now having this kid confess something that he doesn't actually feel, you turn around and walk down the hallway – got to look up here – guess what Bobby does to Susie? That'll look good on the video. He's not sorry at all. Are you getting that character? Are you stopping and saying, "Okay, what's going on here? Why are you doing this thing that you're doing?" Now get this, what is the problem? What is the character problem? What is the thing in all of those issues that we're struggling with? Notice your children were made to live with God-awareness. They were made to believe that it's not their job to live in a way that I choose what's comfortable for me, and I choose what's best for me, and I choose what's enjoyable for me, I choose what's happy for me. I am made to live in submission to God. God actually defines for me what kind of person I should be. God defines what it means to be a good person, not me. Now you're used to that in creation, aren't you? You're used to what defines a good poodle. What defines a good poodle is not the same that defines a tropical fish. And so God defines as a human being, these are the things I want you to love. These are things I want you to hate. These are the good things I want you to do. These are the bad things you shouldn't do. These are the kinds of things you should love. These are the kinds of things you should desire. These are the kinds of things you should think. That's all developing the character of this child and so you must always have this God word-talk going on with your child, knowing there's a God who has defined what's right and good and best and wise. And we always want to know that it's not my job to set those standards. God sets those standards for me. Now, why do all human beings chafe against that? Because the child that you gave birth to is an idolater. Sin by its very nature is idolatrous. Sin puts other things in God's place. If I break the rules that the parent is giving me in order to get the acceptance of the friend, what's ruling my heart at that moment? You can talk. The acceptance of the friend, that acceptance is now my functional god because that desire for acceptance is setting the standards for how I will respond to this person and how I will respond to my parent. And so the Bible says this shocking thing that lack of character is actually rooted in idolatry. It's rooted in this war for the heart. When God is not in His rightful position, then I won't be the kind of person I'm supposed to be, and I won't do the kind of thing I'm supposed to do. Does that make sense? Now think about this. Stay with me. What is the idol of idols? What is the most seductive idol of all idols? The idol of self. 2 Corinthians 5:15 says Jesus came so that those who live will no longer live for themselves. Sin turns me in on myself. That's 2 Corinthians 5:15. Sin turns me in on myself. Sin makes me self-absorbed. Sin makes me self- focused. Sin makes me self-ish in the deepest, fullest sense of what that means. And so your children will tend to always insert themselves into God's position. They want to define what's comfortable. They want to define what's good. They want to define what's right. They want to define what is
Transcript: Session 7
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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