Hola Sober Sunday 18.12

Please dive into our bumper Sunday for some motivation and inspiration with some self-care to send you into the week feeling strong and joyful.

For the adventurous sober soul hola sober

DECEMBER 2022 | ISSUE NO. 165 SUNDAY EDITION

sunday

Village Voices Online Classroom Wisdom

SELF CARE THIS SUNDAY

Let's reflect on some of the wisdom shared this year at Hola Sober =

THE VIRGIN MARY

TAROT OF THE WEEK

Editor's note

Dear Sober Queens,

Welcome to your weekly injection of motivation, and inspiration, this morning which is a tapestry of all kinds of lovely words from women at Hola Sober, talented authors, and of course some self-care in there for you. The December issue DOES come out this week as I took my foot off the gas this week to rest , therefore it is one week late and will be an added bonus in your inbox this week ❤️ The holiday season can be so overwhelming for those in early sobriety so I found myself being grateful that I was under par and able to rest while everyone else is spinning. If it makes you feel any better, I have no Christmas shopping done and my house is like a bomb site but I don't drink and I am alive, so it's truly a win-win! What life has shown me in full 3-D colour this week was the beautiful powerful relationships with women in the sober space and outside the space, I am lucky enough to have. My bestie and I discussed front porches which is obviously a critical life-or-death conversation to have in the dead of night... My Hola Sober Sisters have sustained me this week in a way that was needed and more than that, they protected me from the day-2-day stuff that did not require my input. " May you be blessed with good friends. May you learn to be a good friend to yourself. May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness. May this change you. May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you. May you be brought into the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging. May you treasure your friends. May you be good to them and may you be there for them; may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth, and light that you need for your journey. May you never be isolated. May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam ċara. ” - John O Donohue

Lots of love, Susan Christina Creamer EDITOR + PUBLISHER Susan Christina Creamer

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HAPPY

Holidays May all that is beautiful, and meaningful bring you joy this holiday season

as we together look skyward and say not today lady, not today.

lots of love Susan + Team Hola Sober

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READING FROM THICH NAHT HAHN

The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, "A serious misfortune of my life has arrived." I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage and I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me. I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet... wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as "my" feet were actually "our" feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil. From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.”

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DREW

Drew said "When you are stuck in a pattern, or if you are going through things and you not only admit them out loud, but you force yourself to say, 'I'm willing to make big changes... I think we all think we're very weak when we don't make those changes [but when we do, that's where the empowerment comes in]." She kept her sober journey a secret until it was one she'd built enough confidence on a personal level. "I just want to figure this out and go about this with no profession, no public anything, and now it's been long enough where I'm in a lifestyle that I know is really working on a high road for my little journey, and there's so much peace finally being had where there were demons.

November 2022 article READ EL PAIS

LEGEND

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Your brain builds a strong network of neurons to support your current behaviors. The more you do something, the stronger and more efficient the connection becomes.

JAMES CLEAR - ATOMIC HABITS

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china cups.

"This morning I put down my tea cup on my marble counter tops and cherished the sound of bone china kissing the early morning breakfast kitchen. It was a gentle sound, nothing jarred the early morning moment and more importantly, I didn't have to PLACE it in any particular way, or at an odd angle hoping it wouldn't be heard. The sober gold is that me and and my china tea cup don't care who hears the kiss on the Spanish marble. For so long I laid wine bottles so very gently on this blinking counter top afraid of making noise thus alerting my husband and sons to the heralding sound of Mom exiting the building in her head. I am almost ashamed to admit the amount of times I walked in laden down with shopping bags in which the wine was casually hidden, nervously laying them on the tiled floor hoping against all hope that they would not make that clanking bottle sound. Tiled floors and marble kitchen counters became my enemy as me and wine o clock addiction tried to con all those around me as to the buying of wine, the opening of wine, the drinking of vat-loads of wine…. Whispering wine bottles on marble counter tops may seem like nothing but to me in the height of my wine o clock addiction, I knew that the sound would send chills down all who heard the sad familiar clank, as they knew, the wheels may or may not come off the truck that night. On random nights it resulted in arguments or harsh words spoken and so for me, that clank of bottles hitting the counter still puts the fear of God into me as it chillingly reminds me of how low I went. I ACTUALLY spent time thinking about how to lay bags of shopping filled with wine on the floor without making noise, or how to place a bottle on a counter top without it making a single solitary sound. I would turn up the volume on the kitchen radio so that the cork popping did not draw attention……."

- Susan Christina -

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LOVE yourself

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“The core idea behind the mini-habits concept is that you can build a major habit by thinking small enough to get started. Most people don’t need the motivation to do one pushup, so it’s easy to get started. And once you get going, you’ll find it’s easy to keep at it.” – S.J. Scott Long-term, sustainable habits are a slow process. The faster you accept that the better off you’ll be. Yes, there are people for whom major life events serve as catalysts for instant transformations. For the vast majority of people, however, a consistent, small steps approach is the most effective. Habit stacking is one way to get there. What is habit stacking? Habit stacking is basically what it sounds like. It’s a method by which you stack habits one on top of the other in order to make them stick.

You start by identifying the habits that are already second-nature to you, like brushing your teeth or drinking coffee in the morning, and attaching a new, healthy habit onto them as a way of easily integrating it into your routine. By attaching this new habit onto an existing one, you’re helping your brain to adopt it more seamlessly. why habit stacking is an effective tool for making big changes I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you want to start a daily meditation practice. Think about a natural place in your morning routine where you could insert one minute of mindfulness (start small). Maybe there’s some peace and quiet available after you brush your teeth. You’ll make a new commitment (I suggest writing it down). “Every day, after I brush my teeth in the morning, I will meditate for one minute.”You’ve now attached the new habit (meditation) to one that you naturally do every day. Plus, you’ve done it in such a way that it’s not overly burdensome. It’s one minute, after all. Once your post-teeth-brushing meditation becomes more automatic for you, you can begin to increase your meditation time. Read in full here

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daily email

SUNDAY

Sometimes in business or life we can have a brilliant strategy but won’t get anywhere if we have the wrong story on stereo sound in our head. If your story is like the one, I played on loop which in varying degrees was "I've been a drinker my whole life, drinking is what I do" or "I haven't got time to do this right now and I know I'll fail anyway so seriously what is the point?" then like me you will stay locked in that kitchen in the shadows drinking for another decade. On enrolling on my course, I decided to change the self-talk and the internal story to ‘now that I have stopped drinking’ or ‘I am so lucky to have the support of these women who together will empower me’ and littered my mind and day with positive words claiming each and every victory. Tony Robbins says, "You have to divorce your story and marry the truth. The truth is what's REALLY possible. You can find the truth by finding someone who's already getting the results you want and finding out what they believe. The chances are, their beliefs are radically different to yours." What he is essentially saying is the company you keep will powerfully change your attitude and internal dialogue, perspective and will to win.

Dear Sober Queens,

I. believe if the habitual emotional and mental state you go into is overwhelming, you'll come up with a story that says 'nothing works for me' and ‘I am a lost cause’ I will be the one who got away. I am here this sunny morning to say you are not the one who got away, you are the one who has reached out and joined a group, that is surrounded by love and acceptance and we together are going to change our stories and live in a bubble of ‘can do’ no matter what life throws at us. For me, this was all about shifting focus to make the story stick and asking myself the right question in my head. I began to think like an elite athlete which I accept is a stretch even for me, but they visualise success in their training, and I followed the same principal. Instead of saying, "How in the world am I ever going to do this for….e…v….e….r…?" I changed the focus and asked “How can I make this a priority? What can I do to ensure I show up every day?" This small change in my story telling brought huge benefits and I realised by making my sobriety a priority and showing up every day to whisper at the universe not today lady not today I was taking all the right steps in all the right directions and quite soon the stories I told myself were filled with small sober gold moments that propelled me forward.

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SUNDAY

This morning, I want you to look at the stories you tell yourself around drinking, around work, around life and shift the focus from the internal trashing that goes on in that head of yours and instead focus on the power of connection, the power of taking life one moment at a time. We do not need to conquer the world today for it to be a successful day instead we just need to make our sobriety a priority in our day and show up with love. Stop trying to sandwich your sobriety around your world and maybe try sandwiching that busy world and day of yours around your sober pledge - it is simpler in more ways than you can imagine. I know that without it being my morning priority the whole world could spin right off it's axis one micro decision at a time and three months from now, I would be sitting thinking why am I so overwhelmed? I “married the truth” of my addiction and love that I have made it the priority I have made it, as from this simple sober pledge all things flow. Ladies, please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today. Susan Christina Creamer

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Daily Email

Stay the path. Trust the process. Laugh at it all. In a few months, you will look in the mirror + feel the indescribable feeling that comes with consciously creating your life.” Dr. Nicolas Lepera As we head into our beautiful gift that is Sunday can I take the opportunity to tell you.. YOU are not too much. YOU are not being a drama queen. YOU are a beautiful and powerful woman finding her way in recovery. We are fabulously flawed and human fighting every single day to be better. Hold onto that. Stay the path, trust the process, laugh at it and join me, this morning as I look skyward and say not today lady, not today. Susan Christina Creamer

“If you heard this often from a person in your childhood:

A daily practice creates a ritual for ourselves that sends our subconscious the message: I matter. I care about myself. I can put myself first. I am capable. I am resilient. I am empowered to make choices in my own best interest. We've been conditioned in a society that says the answers are 'out there.' That seduces us into deeper levels of distraction + avoidance through social media, relationships, food, shopping, the list goes on + on. The answers are within us— they always have been. This is the warrior's journey. Those willing to do what most people avoid for a lifetime: looking within without running away. Those willing to sit within the discomfort of how confronting + overwhelming this work can be at times.

“You're so dramatic” “Stop being overly sensitive” “You're so moody!” “Smile, there's no reason to be sad” “You are too much” You'll most likely have internalised a core message: “Something is wrong with the way I feel. Some emotions are bad + I shouldn't have them.”

True healing occurs when we are active participants.

True transformation occurs when we practice— when we commit to small daily promises. When we commit to showing up for ourselves. We've been conditioned in a medical model that teaches immediacy, quick fixes, + the “expert” model where we outsource our knowing to someone outside of ourselves.

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Dearest sobriety I am alive because of you.

That's my truth, not today lady, not today.

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help.

“Help" is a prayer that is always answered. It doesn't matter how you pray--with your head bowed in silence, or crying out in grief, or dancing. Churches are good for prayer, but so are garages and cars and mountains and showers and dance floors. Years ago I wrote an essay that began, "Some people think that God is in the details, but I have come to believe that God is in the bathroom.”

― Ann Lammot

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“Anything that helps an individual heal, stretch, and grow requires confrontation: updating a previous belief, reworking old patterns that no longer serve, overhauling your spiritual systems, implementing an elimination diet. Comfort is not a companion of change.” ― Pixie Lighthorse Change.

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But you can’t get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don’t have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home.” ― Anne Lamott truth.

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A love of seasons maria mackenty

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I love this time of year. I love the changing of seasons. Autumn’s radiant color and light. The waning light as the earth tilts on her axis away from the sun. The chill in the air and the crisp sounds and smells. I love first snowfalls - magical, white crystals dancing through the air and blanketing the ground. We have a lot to learn from nature during this time. Summer is a natural time to be outside, enjoying warm weather, staying active, gardening, traveling, socializing. We don’t want to squander a minute of warmth and sunshine. My energy is externalized as I enjoy al l that blossoms, grows, and flourishes. At Summer’s end, when Autumn comes, I’m ready to turn my attention in. Nature gives me the opportunity to do that. I think of all creatures readying for the colder months. Birds make their way to warmer climates, squirrels build nests, and gather food for winter stores. Dormice, hedgehogs, turtles, and snakes burrow and dig to find warmth and protection, then slow their systems down and sink into a winter slumber . I go through a similar process emotionally and spiritually in Autumn. As light diminishes and cool air seeps in, I love to go in, readying my home and myself for winter. Candles, music, and a warm fire adorn my l iving space. Fi rst autumn plants and decoration, then twinkle lights, evergreens, and holly berries. If I can’t be outside as much, I bring the outdoors in. I spend more time cooking, using all the foods that have recently been harvested. Squash, potatoes, Brussels sprouts, beets, turnips - all those smells wafting from the oven. Stews and soups simmer on the stovetop. Favorite holiday recipes spill out of the recipe box and into the oven. It’s a time to delight in dishes that accentuate the season. I decorate my home with greens and lights and little things that my sons made when they were boys. I look through the eyes of a child and see the magic of the season.

I love expressing my gratitude and love with gifts and acts of service.

And I extolled my internal season with reflection, contemplation, and gratitude. This season affords me the opportunity to express my love of friends and family, my gratitude for life, and my honor of nature. In her book Wintering, The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, Katherine May describes how we can learn from our coldest, darkest season when we go through challenges in our lives. She eloquently traverses the changes Winter brings in the natural world, the ways in which we cope, and how we find beauty and restoration through nature’s example. She shows us how to learn from this process when the seasons change in our lives. I have experienced many Winters in my life. I am in one of those “Wintering” places now, healing from a spinal fracture. I have had to slow my roll to a crawl, then a slow walk, not quite ready for a quick pace yet. It happens to coincide with my favorite seasons and it is not lost on me that what I do every year, this internal journey, has taught me how to embrace this time. How to allow space to heal, while keeping my heart open and not giving into the darkness. I am creating light and life to keep the darkness at bay, not just with candles and evergreens, but with reading and creat ive projects and connections with people I love. I am allowing the healing, not rushing it or longing for it. I am staying in the season I am in, with absolute faith, because seasons always change. As we approach the shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, I am reminded of the hope that this season brings. It brings us inside slowly, waiting for the hope that comes with the “turning of the year”. The day that the light begins to return, minute by minute each day, as the earth begins to tilt again.

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YOU seriously should not drink even if your ass is on fire. -MMK-

"Spreading good news—being a messenger of what’s good in the world—is something we can all be doing today. Think about it. We don’t even have to speak or write something to spread love, compassion, kindness, or goodness. It’s all about how we show up in the world. It’s all about our actions and how we make people feel Ask yourself this week, are you a messenger of hope, love, and good news? Or are you stuck in a cycle of negativity and doom, pointing fingers and spreading bad news?" - Maria Shriver The Duke University Basketball Women’s Coach Kara Lawson said this week "We wait for stuff to get easier. It will never get easier. What happens is you handle hard better.” And Robin William's in Good Will Hunting said, “You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.” So ask yourself, are you a messenger of hope, love, and good news? Or are you stuck in a cycle of negativity and doom, pointing fingers and spreading bad news? Are you the FLAME-THROWER in the group? Maria Shriver writes, "Whenever I would say anything was hard, my mother would say, “I don’t want to hear a yip out of you.” She would ask me what did I expect, did I expect it not to be hard? She would say, “Everything is hard, just keep moving. I know these are hard times. They are really, really hard times for millions. People struggle with inflation, gas prices, and a sense of hopelessness, grief, and despair. Yes, these times require perseverance, strength, and hope. We can only get through these times if we believe we can do what Coach Lawson told us we could do. We can only get through these times, I believe, if we each commit to something larger than ourselves. I believe we can rise up if we believe we can make a difference in another person’s life. So today, think about that. Realize that we can each do what the coach did. Each of us can inspire another . Each of us can help another person shift their perspective of how they see the world, even if it’s just by two degrees ." PLEASE remember, “We wait for stuff to get easier. It will never get easier. What happens is you handle hard better.” Coach Lawson And this week know, “You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.” ― Robin Wi l l iams And ask yourself, are you a messenger of hope, love, and good news? Or are you stuck in a cycle of negativity and doom, pointing fingers and spreading bad news? "The rule of life? Let it fucking happen" – Thomas Shelby of Peaky Bl inders

-Mash-Up Reading at Hola Sober Support Meeting-

LINDA REDMOND

N E THE STORY OF

NE THE STORY OF

There is a place in hell reserved just for me and I don’t have to leave my mortal body to go there; I simply have to pick up a drink and I’ll be there in no time. This I sadly know all too well as I have been down that hole not once, but twice. The first time was not my fault, I became addicted to an addictive substance that is alcohol, my return journey to hell was all down to me…. Some weeks ago, I hosted my very first Hola Sober support group which is a closed meeting . It is both a gift and a privilege to take a seat in this sacred space and the desire to give the best meeting possible was uppermost in my mind. I was nervous and excited and had a list of ‘what if's to share with Susan and Alex. Just be yourself and maybe share some of your journey was their advice and as I trust them with my life I did just that. The part of my journey that I chose to share was the piece that causes me the most horrendous guilt and shame, and we call it RELAPSE code word for hell. After sixteen whole years of being on the right side of the glass, I fell and when I fell, I fell hard. Back in 1999, my sobriety was the greatest gift and my proudest achievement and I was hugely grateful. I had finally thrown off the shackles of addiction to the alcohol that had both ruled and ruined my day to day life. Now I could finally be the wife, mother, sister and friend that I was always meant to be. Real, authentic and present. After the first year of adjustment, attending meetings, aftercare, making my daily morning promise and grateful evening thanks, I finally found my feet in the sober world. I no more wished to return to drinking alcohol than I would to have my teeth pulled out with pliers and no anaesthetic! Life was good, better than good, I saw everything with new bright eyes. My children were the focus of my world and sobriety became my natural way of being.

The years passed and it gradually became something that I barely gave a thought to. I’d got this. It had long since stopped being a priority, and as time went on it went further and further down the list of things to take care of and nourish. Eventually, it wasn’t even on the list. And although I couldn’t see it at the time, it was a very grave error on my part to neglect the golden ticket that was sobriety. I stopped going to sobriety meetings. AA was not the right fit and in Ireland of old, there were no other options available . I no longer made my daily promise or evening thanks. I wasn’t passing this gift on to others in the grip of addiction, as is the way in sobriety - you pass it on. The truth was I’d forgotten sobriety even was a gift! Life throws curve balls at us all, nobody escapes that reality. I lost loved ones, encountered trauma, grief, and pain in varying degrees and throw in menopause, some empty nest syndrome and you have some serious issues to deal with. But throughout all of this, I never considered picking up a drink, not once. I was a hormonal mess, depressed, but drinking wasn’t a thought I’d ever entertained until I did. Enter stage left that bitch Moderation Mary, a clever cunning witch, with her subtle whispers spinning in my head. How nice it could be, how inclusive it could feel to have just a couple of glasses of wine. After all, I’d handled every curve ball sober and a few glasses would take me out of the margins back in the fold of socialising. I wouldn’t feel so alone. I’d be fine and I would be the exception to the rule. These thoughts became bigger and bigger. The blunt reality is connection was what I was longing for, not alcohol. My mind was a raging turmoil and I had no sober space to help me unravel it and so I caved and I went there . I turned my proudest achievement into my greatest regret. And we all know how the reality plays out - in no time at all alcohol had me bound and shackled again.

| AUGUST 2021 • HOLA SOBER |

NE In my delusional mind, I had reasoned if it didn’t work out, I’d just stop and the addiction brain told me, it would be easy and I could just flip a switch. How wine witch must have laughed and laughed because if she gets hold of you again, she’s holding tighter than ever before. Think trying to squeeze a genie back in a bottle and there I was, powerless yet again sitting in hell. This time it was all my own making. And I couldn’t believe how difficult it was to get out again. I was furious with myself, full of guilt and shame and regret that I’d ever gone there again. But I kept trying. I would have months of not drinking but I’d fall again and I knew I wasn’t sober (after all I knew how that freedom felt). It took me nearly four years to finally find the key . And the key was and always will be a connection. I found online modern recovery through The Luckiest Club sobriety support group and it was there I first met Susan Christina, a fellow Irish woman and the founder and fearless leader of what I call the Platinum sober space that is Hola Sober. Here with Susan and the leaders and all of my other strong, powerful, and brave sober sisters I have my friends, finally, come home. And here I’ll stay for I have found my tribe and my greatest wish and now gift was to hold out my hand and help other sober sisters along and as a host, Susan has given me the platform to do just that. I have turned my greatest regret into a tool that I can and will use again and again as a truth that is foreboding and real and if it stops just one woman from making the same mistake, I rest easy on my sober pillow. A funny thing happened after I shared this part of my journey in a sober meeting, the shame died, right there and then . And so, I can finally be at peace, I was one of the lucky ones, not everyone makes it back to this sacred space of second chances. The gift of sobriety is one to be cherished and nurtured above all else always and for me, connection always will be the oxygen it needs to not just survive but to thrive. THE STORY OF

LINDA REDMOND

"Relapse is not part of recovery BECAUSE the next drink might kill you

AND

I knew I had another drink in me but I did not know whether I had another recovery in me."

Linda Redmond

Lots of love Linda xxx

| AUGUST 2021 • HOLA SOBER |

Online Class Wisdom

I believe it is Spirit that brought me to sobriety. I never had a stereotypical rock bottom, thoughts of self-harm, or even anyone telling me I had a problem with alcohol ( unfortunately it was the opposite, those close to me and including a therapist told me I didn’t have a problem ). But I have always watched for signs, I have always listened for whispers from Creator, and after enough nudging, I felt the answer in my marrow that alcohol needed to be removed from my life if I truly wanted to live in a good way. So far, this has proven to be the case. Spirituality for me is listening to my gut. Talking to Creator and my ancestors every night. Expressing my gratitude, voicing my challenges, asking for help, and a sign. They always come. A dream, an Eagle flying overhead, opportunities opening up to me. I’ve never found Spirit in the high ceilings of a church. It’s always been within the depths of myself. H.M.

I have always leaned on the spiritual side of things and this supports me in getting through difficult times. It also helps me to feel grateful for all the good things in my life. I find a feeling of inner peace when I use spiritual elements in my day, it helps me to keep grounded.

M.M.

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Online Class Wisdom

I am not listening to others anymore tell me how to have my relationship with my God and my own inner world. What works well for me and actually made me feel a deeper connection to God was actually kundalini yoga. It was an extremely spiritual practice for me that gave me an "aha" moment of sorts. Now, I pray, do soul time meditations sometimes, my regular TM meditations, and sometimes Hola Sober meditations as well!, I go to church most Sundays/holidays and sometimes I love my rosary beads from my

travels to Israel and Italy and the gift I've received from Medjugorje. I also have my rose quartz, amethyst, and brownish/goldish crystals that I hold sometimes while I

pray/think/put my intentions out into my day... I am pretty open- minded.. roots will always be Catholic with some eastern influences sprinkled into my "adventure.`' J.J.

A .

I love that we separate spirituality and religiosity at Hola Sober. I don't feel like a person needs to be part of an organized religion to be deeply spiritual. I really LOVED this Ted Talk. I never knew that my element is fire. But I definitely see how turning to this element is calming to me. Whether it's my candles or the little fire pit that I have in my side yard, I always feel a sense of calm when these are lit. Looking at meditation from the lens of honoring the present is perfect. My word for this year is "here" and I am very focused on being here rather than thinking about where I'd rather be. I am recognizing how somewhere else moves at a different pace than here . I am focusing on being right where I am and her message and meditation really made an impact on me. -M.S-

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it occurred to me that I am becoming more resilient - without even realizing it. I have more on the list of habits that increase mental health than I had habits that undermine it. This was not always the case.. I thought I had gained resilience over the past 30 years living with major depression. I had to keep getting up and do life when I felt I had nothing in me. Painful days that I dredged myself through with the inside of me crying. The exhaustion of having to put on a normal face for people to see when all I wanted to do was hide from the world. I kept going, but was that resilience? I don't know. I think I was only surviving. I was numbed to survive it. Being addicted to alcohol and making the decision for myself to do what is best for me, which is eliminating it from my life, was the first courageous step. After quitting, I thought I was doing better, but still teetertottering on a life of sobriety. Could I sustain it through all these feelings? When I emailed Susan to see if it was too late for me to be a part of Pledge 100, I was very uncomfortable and felt nervous sending that email. Even after her caring response, I still didn't feel comfortable. Now we are on Day 80. I am not the same person who started this Pledge 100 journey. All of the changes in my resilience have come from my participation in this program. They have come from taking chances and being more courageous to post my thoughts and feelings and things that are truly me. I still cringe sometimes after I post and feel silly or think that some may feel I'm just a dreamer or that my replies do not have the same substance as others - but then my new voice kicks in and says, "It is ok, you are being you and that is good enough and that is everything."

I think that's true resilience. I am thriving more rather than just surviving and it is a new and much better way to live.

-B.H..-

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sober year..

From as early as I can remember, I’ve never been able to handle the state of feeling discomfort without a crutch. Without alcohol, without sugar, without something … I wonder if all those early years of drinking so much has led my body to reach a certain tipping point. In this last year I’ve grown to see that my physical body just doesn’t want it anymore. It’s a mental need. My conscious sobriety fills me with relief. I am so thankful that I don’t have to wake up in pain and that I can wake up clear and welcome the morning without dread or a question of what I took in the night before. I’ve made a contract with myself — to see if I can allow myself to fully feel my emotions, to sit with discomfort. I am terrified of feeling all my feelings, especially my insecurities, resentments, my small-mindedness, my rage. I am afraid of all of these feelings not being muted by alcohol.

Courage requires that I honor my feelings, that I allow them to reveal themselves to me and to others and that I not live in the shadows of a half-life.

My journey is inward. I want to find her. The one who is brash inside. The one who says things she wouldn’t say if she was sober. The one who has the bravura, the balls, the magnificence to be herself. She who is me. I need to find out who I am without all the trappings. Which voice do I listen to and is the loudest one the healthiest or the most lethal in self-destructive ways? It’s why I have loved alcohol so…because it mutes my inner critic. The one who tells me that I am not enough — not funny enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not young enough — not enough.

So, it is This is my year of conscious sobriety

20 MONTHS LATER SOBER Today I’m going to revel in this moment because I did it. I’m still doing it. The “IT” isn’t finished. My reel is still playing. The difference is that I can watch it now with compassion. And that is real progress.

- Jennifer Cowie King -

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Dearest Sobriety...

I slogged through so many feelings, so many realizations, so many excavations of deep old festering shitty wounds. I started running to air them out. I took walks down my friends’ dead end dirt road in the tiny town I’d escaped to in Western New York and wept and sometimes yelled out loud at people who weren’t there. I was not graceful. But over and over, pushing forward through these feelings that I previously would’ve poured alcohol over got me to a place I couldn’t have understood. And instead of hating my past self, and being so unbearably mortified by her weakness and sickness, I felt this huge flood of gratitude and even admiration. What a brave, strong person. What a stunning thing, to wake up every day with your brain trying to kill you, and still do an interview. Still try to pitch something. Still, write something up. Still still still keep trying. Each one is a grasp at staying alive, and in that, I succeeded. An unequivocal success, you know? Here I am.

Love Curated extract from post by Danielle Tcholakian

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Mornings of light On waking, I go all Scandinavian (this is a Norwegian practice I believe) putting my two bare feet firmly on the ground claiming my space on this earth, opening the bedroom window (irrespective of weather), and breathing deeply letting fresh air litter my body taking me into a new day. I tell the universe and my ancestors, I am here, I am showing up today, bring it on. I light one candle within minutes of this breathing and say my sober promise ‘not today lady, not today ’ sending light and intention into the universe. I light the second candle of intention to include all those in my sober world and a special few moments for those in active addiction who do not have the privilege I enjoy. I light a small night-light candle for families in pain from those lost from addiction and ask for special healing and light to be shed around these families asking for them to find a glimmer of hope today. I make a big mug of steaming builders strength tea and begin to write my daily email which soothes my mind before I begin my day and puts my intention upfront and centre in my world. I walk daily (4-6km) listening to music, podcast, or audiobook across a broad breadth of subjects that often include sobriety or all things Ireland. I have a gratitude jar in the kitchen and on my work desk and throw in random gratitude notes each day in varying degrees of profoundness "I want to kiss the person who invented chocolate" to "I had an awful flashback today of a drinking night and I sat with it and survived it." I write a gratitude journal nightly (I have been doing this since reading Saran Ban Breathnach's book ‘Simple Abundance’.

It shouldn't feel like an obligation. It should feel like a celebration,” My life does not feel like one long struggle or filled with drinking challenges, my life is one of complete freedom and joy even on the shittiest of days because I am one of the lucky ones who learned the science, accepted the wisdom of others and took back control of my life. It is not an endless battle of choices. It is not some mental warfare going on in my mind daily. Life is warfare. Families and relationships can be warfare. Working environments can be warfare. The bloody supermarket on a busy Saturday can feel like warfare but not drinking is not warfare once we make it out of the early days. “One of the joys of not drinking is how it has freed up my headspace. I no longer spend hours of my time unwittingly thinking about its purchase, consummation or its regret. For me the easiest thing to do was very early on in our course, accept and reach the decision my wine years were well and truly behind. I was addicted to an addictive substance, as are you, but I have accepted that fact, and you have not. You are still dressing your addiction up in language and thinking that is untrue, pink, and frivolous; shying away from the realities of this addictive substance that daily robs families and robs beautiful women of the spirit of wonder. When I look at the simplicity of my list it seems utterly useless in the face of such a monstrous enemy, but the weird thing is that it works for me, always has and always will, and as Matt Haig says “Hell, if licking wallpaper does it for you, do that, in the absence of universal certainties, we are our own best factory.” Lots of love Susan

I message my core sober tribe (Gee + Colette) each morning

I daily practice the 'S pirit of Wonder' an approach to life I coined in early sobriety where I try and find wonder in all things. From the leaves on the trees to my son saying thank you after dinner, it keeps me joyful, grateful and not drinking as the wonder I feel towards my life is a gift and a constant blessing. I say a gratitude sober prayer each night irrespective of what has unfolded in my day and I bless myself each night, (old catholic traditions are sometimes hard to lose) and I thank the universe and the tribe of ancestors that walk with me daily for the gift of my day.

“

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“Nobody's going to do your life for you. You have to do it yourself, whether you're rich or poor, out of money or raking it in, the beneficiary of ridiculous fortune or terrible injustice. And you have to do it no matter what is true. No matter what is hard. No matter what unjust, sad, sucky things befall you. Self- pity is a dead-end road. You make the choice to drive down it. It's up to you to decide to stay parked there or to turn around and drive out.”

― Cheryl Strayed

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“The narratives we create in order to justify our actions and choices become in so many ways who we are. They are the things we say back to ourselves to explain our complicated lives. Perhaps the reason you've not yet been able to forgive yourself is that you're still invested in your self-loathing. Perhaps not forgiving yourself is the flip side of your stealing-this-now cycle. Would you be a better or worse person if you forgave yourself for the bad things you did? If you perpetually condemn yourself for being a liar and a thief, does that make you good?”

― Cheryl Strayed

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note to self You are allowed to take up space. Own who you are and what you want for yourself. Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have. Own your passions, your thoughts, your perceptions. Own your fire. Stop putting your worth in the hands of others; stop letting them decide your value. Own saying no, saying yes. Own your mood, your feelings. Own your plans, your path, your success. Never back down from expressing yourself, from saying your name proudly. Never stop elbowing your damn way into this big world, because you belong here. You matter.”

BIANCA SPARACINO

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Versus..

Its all about me and what I want vs ‘How can I be of help to others’

Lying, Cheating, and manipulating to get what I want vs Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness allow me to get what I need.

“I can take care of myself!” vs “ There is something bigger than me.”

Rationalise, justify and minimise when I’m wrong vs Owning my part, admitting my faults, and trying to grow from them.

Projecting a false image of myself vs I am no better and no less than anyone else. Hide and deny my fears so as not to appear weak vs Acknowledging my fears and limitations and asking for help.

― Edgemore Treatment Centre

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‘F-E-A-R has two meanings: “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise.” The choice is yours. ‘ – Zig Ziglar f.e.a.r.

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addiction.

“When we drink alcohol, artificially high levels of dopamine are released into the brain—a glass of wine will release more dopamine than good sex, good chocolate, or good coffee. The above-normal level of dopamine tells our brain that alcohol is really good at keeping us alive, and so the brain sends out higher levels of glutamate to lock in the experience. We remember the experience of drinking a cold glass of Chardonnay on a hot summer day more than we remember eating a slice of apple pie or drinking a kale smoothie, because of this neurobiological process. If we drink enough alcohol over a long enough period of time, this cycle locks in, and our brains identify alcohol as necessary for survival. When the midbrain is working properly, it will normally prioritize fighting, procreating, and eating. But over time and with enough exposure, the midbrain will begin to identify alcohol as necessary for survival. If we drink enough alcohol, our midbrain will eventually elevate drinking alcohol above other survival”

― Holly Whitaker,

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sober gifts.

Sobriety has gifted me so very much but one thing that matters so very much in the early hours of my day is the CLEAR knowledge that I am not alone in this, I was not the only woman, mother, wife, sister, daughter, best friend who f*cked up. There are thousands of us and yes we are in different countries and different time zones - you get up when I go to sleep and I go to sleep when you arise BUT, I know you are out there and that in itself makes everything easier……And yes I know it can be terrifying facing into a family crisis without our usual anesthetic, nor will I argue that grief or loss are easy at this time of year and I truly understand your kids not towing the party line is wearing, and yet sounding like a broken record in your own life telling all around you to pick up after themselves or walk the dog is bloody annoying yet I will wager that no matter what life throws at you - it is easier without alcohol the ultimate gateway drug to shame-guilt-self- loathing of EPIC proportions. The type of worrying proportions that feel like a tsunami and hit the hardest at 3.00 a.m. parched reaching for our self-respect on a bedside locker that holds nothing but the indignity of realising we have done it again…….

-Susan Christina -

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nothing is ever perfect. it is what you make of it.

“Healing means breaking this cycle of thought, and we don’t change how we think about ourselves by wishing it different; we change by actively engaging with different words, phrases, and beliefs, and repeating these mantras to ourselves until they interrupt the old hateful story and make a new loving one.” ― Holly Whitaker, healing.

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conflict by Pixie lighthorse

Conflict doesn’t have to mean:

Poor relational skills Trigger ping pong Talking while dysregulated Talking a thing to death Shouting Verbal abuse Stonewalling Avoid/Pursue loops Withholding love Punitive consequences Ultimatums Arguing in circles

Name calling Mud slinging Offending from the victim’s position Victim blaming Shaming Abandonment Neglect Misdirected rage Judgement Defensiveness

But it often does look like this, which is why some folx dig in with conflict avoidance. But it’s not moving us to where we want to be. Conflict avoidance leaves us feeling unresolved, cowardly/passive, okay with things not being okay that need attention. It’s violence toward others, ourselves, or both. While emotionally uncomfortable, conflict is part of every day life. Skills, support and practices help immensely. Do we need to engage in conflict with those we’re not in relationship with? No. It’s often a misuse of vital energy. On a social level, we are responsible for engaging institutions as a community so we can effect change.

How we do conflict is how we do relationship. How we do relationship informs how our world takes shape.

“Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.” ― Maya Angelou,

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SUNDAY KITCHEN HOLA SOBER

Chicken + Mustard One Pot

INGREDIENTS

30mloil 1kgdiced chicken thigh meat 400gonions, roughly chopped 400gparsnips, cut into chunks 500gcarrots, peeled and roughly chopped 500gpotatoes, peeled and roughly chopped 20gchicken bouillon 40gwholegrain mustard 20gEnglish mustard 30gclear honey 5gfresh thyme 10gfresh parsley, chopped 100ggreen cabbage, finely shredded and blanched salt and pepper

Method

1. 2.

Preheat the oven to 180C. Heat half the oil in a large pan. Brown the chicken until golden, then place it in a large casserole dish. Set this aside. Heat the remaining oil and cook the onions for 10 minutes until softened. Add the softened onions to the chicken along with the chopped parsnips, carrots, and potatoes. Dissolve the chicken bouillon in boiling water and stir in the mustard and honey, then pour over the chicken and vegetables. Scatter the thyme and the parsley over the meat and vegetables, then cover with a lid and place in the oven. Cook for around 45 minutes or until the vegetables are soft, then remove from the oven and add the blanched cabbage, stirring well and adjusting the seasoning before serving.

We love this here at home as it's tasty and soothing on a cool autumnal evening. This recipe which is so easy is from the National Trust UK and you can read it here

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