Please enjoy sober motivation and inspiration, beauty and fashion with this month's bumper edition of Hola Sober.
For the adventurous sober soul hola sober NOVEMBER 2022 | ISSUE NO. 20
Our exciting new AF drinks collaboration THE VIRGIN MARY
Ann Dowsett Johnston Janey Lee Grace Peggi Cooney Beth MT COLUMNISTS
ANNIE GRACE The Naked Mind author takes our Q & A By Peggi Cooney with Riley GREEN, GIRAFFES & CHICKEN WINGS
ONLY IN HOLA SOBER GRACE, THE PRIESTHOOD & THE PRESIDENT It started with finding Grace in the Little Brown Church.
HAPPY Thanks GIVING
HOLA SOBER| ISSUE NO. 20
TO OUR READERS Stateside CELEBRATING
NOT TODAY LADY NOT TODAY
HOLA SOBER| ISSUE NO. 20
hola sober Susan Christina Creamer Susan Christina Creamer Editor + Publisher Creative Director
Gee E. Colette Louise Ann Dowsett Johnston Linda McGrath-Redmond Maria MacKenty Sophie Pelham-Burn Peggi Cooney Beth MT Lynn Wood Janey Lee Grace Lisa Hamil (Bear) The Virgin Mary (Dublin) Jennifer Bridgman Hola Sober Sisters Iris Lisa Wilde Jordi V. Max, Noah + Samuel Susan + Lisa Lisa Wilde Hola Sober Sisters Globally Gee + Colette + Judith + Deb Irish Family said 'Go Ahead.'
Mental Health Columnist Tarot Columnist Columnist Columnist Columnist Nutritionist Columnist
Columnist Columnist Columnist
Wellness Columnist Yoga Columnist Alcohol Free Columnist
Contributor Contributor
Hola Sober Office Dog Hola Sober Assistant Senior Tea Maker Senior Mood Booste rs Proof Readers Contributing Writer Contributing Photographer Daily Cheerleaders Family Blessing
There is NO REVENUE generated by advertisers as they support the sober community in a variety of ways. All columnists VOLUNTEER their precious time and talent to ensure your inbox is filled with colour, motivation, inspiration, and education. Hola Sober is an epic example of high-impact volunteering in the sober space and our family's social impact investment in time and money and tea.
HOLA SOBER| ISSUE NO. 20
CONTENTS
REGULAR FEATURES
Susan's Welcome Note
04
Team Picks
07
Beauty, Fashion + Team Picks
12
Dear Gee
86
JANEY LEE GRACE P. 48 JANEY TALKS TO THREE POWERFUL WOMEN IN THE SOBER BUSINESS.
GRACE, THE PRIESTHOOD, AND THE PRESIDENT P. 54
Tarot with Colette
120
SOBER ROCK STARS
ANNIE GRACE P.76 THE NAKED MIND AUTHOR TALKS ALL THINGS ALCOHOL-FREE IN OUR Q & A.
38
Ann Dowsett Johnston
Janey Lee Grace
48
Jennifer Bridgman
43
Beth MT
58
Peggi Cooney
62
Annie Grace
76
BETH MT P.60
INSPIRATION
THERE IS NO SHAME IN OUR SOBRIETY.
Sophie Pelham Burn
54
Grace, The Priesthood and The Pres
54
Maria MacKenty
82
The Virgin Mary
108
Art + Books + Poetry
114
ANN DOWSETT JOHNSTON
P. 42 MASKS AND MODERATION JENNIFER BRIDGMAN
P. 38 MAKING ROOM FOR JOY.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
editor's note I feel I just turned around and November had stormed her way into my life without me realising that this year is nearly done and dusted. Wow, it has been a whirlwind of a year. My inbox has been heaving with women making all the right decisions around their relationship with alcohol understand, it isn't always easy but it is always the better choice to make. A word to the wise, if you are emailing me to ask what I think about your weekly intake...you are already in the danger zone my friend and need to sign up for FREE Pledge 100 Sober Empowerment Program for 2023. An exciting addition this month to the Hola Sober magazine is our new collaboration with the Irish-owned Bar Group, The Virgin Mary. TVM is an alcohol-free bar at the forefront of a socialising revolution and. is the world’s first luxury well-being bar group dedicated to inspiring people to ‘drink different ’, creating a host of mindful drinks to restore, revive, excite and surprise. This month TVM has created a drink called Hola Sober which is divine and Team Hola Sober is really proud to have a world leader create a drink for our platform! At Hola Sober we. usually like to feature a man in the mix of powerful women and for the month of Thanksgiving, I called on my friend Ed and his sponsor Seamus to give us their perspective on the 12-Step journey into alcohol-free living. At Hola Sober, we respect all pathways to recovery both modern and traditional approaches to sobriety. For November, I feel these sober brothers are a wonderful indictment of what a great outcome the program can offer anyone who chooses to go the traditional route. As always our columnists and contributors have knocked it out of the park this month! We hope you like our new look magazine logo and cover giving a fresh modern edgy feel to the magazine as we head for 2023 with wonderful plans afoot! Ladies and gentlemen, please jump in and enjoy this splash of colour and joy being sent into the universe knowing all at Hola Sober Madrid wish you a fabulous month ahead as we powerfully look skyward and say not today lady, not today;
l ots of love to you all,
Susan Christina Creamer EDITOR + PUBLISHER Susan Christina Creamer
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
DAILY REMINDER
DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE
NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY.
NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY.
TEAM PICKS November 2022
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
SUSAN'S PICK
Prosperity Candles: I received these candles as a gift last month and I have fallen in love with everything about them. These are moments of peace, clarity and hope in my home with pure essential oil candles. Created with an Oregon-based aromatherapist consultant, these essential oil blends share calming properties with lavender & cedar, clarifying effects with rosemary & lime, and a balance of uplifting and relaxing benefits with grapefruit & petitgrain. Give a small gift of well- being to a loved one, close friend or even to yourself. Each Be Well essential oil candle is hand-poured, lasts over 60 hours,
SHOP NOW ➤
G E E ' S P I C K
Sue got one of these as a gift and and I fully understand why she believes it is the most fabulous throw-comforter. You can't go wrong with gifting a Barefoot Dreams In the Wild Throw Blanket this holiday season. Super-soft, cozy, and featuring a classic leopard pattern, this microfiber throw will become a staple of the home. Good look prying it away from your family once they get their hands on it.
SHOP NOW ➤
COLETTE'S PICK Back to the Roots Indoor Garden - Self-Watering, Mess-Free Planter for Herbs, Microgreens, Bamboo, Succulents, and Houseplants. This self-cleaning fish tank isn't just an aquarium. It's actually a mini aquaponic ecosystem! Not only is it a great teaching tool for anyone who's all about gardening, but it's functional tool. That's right, it actually grows food at the top and provides a livable habitat for a fish at the bottom.
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
With a house full of guests and a family wedding, I will be having Distilled Non-Alcoholic Cinnamon Whiskey in my home to create fabulous zero-proof mocktails. The makers tell us that this cinnamon whiskey spirit is best enjoyed in your go-to classic whiskey cocktails, like an Old Fashioned and Stone Wall Introducing Spiritless Kentucky 74 SPICED, a distilled non-alcoholic cinnamon whiskey.Kentucky 74 SPICED PEGGI'S PICK SHOP NOW ➤
LISA'S PICK I hate when my coffee goes cold because I got caught on a call, so I discovered this some months ago and it's perfect for my office and has the word 'smart' in the title so I am shallow enough to be sold on that!!! Ember Temperature Control Smart Mug 2, 10 oz + Charging Coaster Bundle in the ROSE GOLD which makes me smile daily. It is delightfully OTT and superbly functional.
SHOP NOW ➤
BETH'S PICK
My product of the month is this gorgeous denim dress by Joanie (Dawn O’Porter’s fashion brand). Apart from the fact that I love how it looks, it’s very practical. I can wear it with tights, a cardigan or boots for the office. Or dress it up for a night out. I love it. Dawn Says: " Simple, easy, chic yet fun, and playful all at once. You simply can’t beat a denim shift. I LOVE the orange stitching on this, and the buttons and shape of the collar are adorable. This is your backup dress for every day of the week - it will never let you down. Bellini is a 1960s-style mini dress that's crafted from super-comfy denim with a contrasting orange topstitch. Boasting a vintage-inspired A-line shape with a button-through front and retro orange daisy-shaped buttons, Bellini also features patch pockets with button fastenings, short sleeves, and an exaggerated rounded dagger collar. Whatever the occasion."
My holiday season go-to for high days or holidays!
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
We have chosen PROSPERITY CANDLE as our team pick this month loving everything about the brand and the product. It is the perfect gifting idea for this season of gratitude. In 2009 three like-minded people got together. Each of us had been working in different places in the world to help lift families out of poverty but wanted to do something more. What inspired us most was the idea of creating opportunities for women artisans to thrive. So was born Prosperity Candle, a social enterprise that supports refugees and artisans through candle-making and beautifully crafted vessels easily refilled or repurposed for a lifetime of enjoyment. As we like to say, there's a story behind every candle we pour. MADRID TEAM P I C K
LINDA'S PICK
These Elizabeth Arden Vitamin C capsules are affordable and life changing giving my skin that dewy look and feel that I thought had left my face in my 40's. I am not too far off my sixth decade and have found these little capsules truly do bring a brightness to my skin and face that makes me feel good and works a wonder under any foundation. Treat yourself and buy, formulated for maximum potency. This luxurious, lightweight dry oil serum combines two powerhouse ingredients in one capsule: Vitamin C for its brightening superpowers, and ceramides to help prevent moisture loss.
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
OUR TEAM NOVEMBER PICK
CAN YOU SEND A POSTCARD TO THE SOBER PROJECT?
Please meet the lovely Anthea Parker, who ten years ago was advised by her doctor to give up alcohol. Her story of finding her sober self is here
Hola Sober is a HIGH-IMPACT volunteer platform that loves a lady who is a 'doer' and Anthea is just that - we want to support this lovely initiative The Sober Project this month. Something she started by sharing postcards (laminated) in public spaces offering encouragement to those who may be struggling with addiction. What is there not to like about popping words of encouragement on a postcard and making our way to the post office so that our words can possibly help someone in the United Kingdom who may be having a tough time accepting that this is our 'thing' and will always be our 'thing.' This is such a simple yet powerful project and we urge our readers to get behind her! Anthea explains, "I began to ask my friends in the online sobriety groups to send me postcards sharing their newfound freedom and support. I would then copy and laminate them and put them up in public spaces. I wanted to reach out to share the joy to a passer-by who might just need to see there are alternatives in finding a new way of living, and that they could seek support for their drinking. The post office box was open for six months and attracted around 100 people to write to me which was exciting! I have since created eight pop-up exhibitions in the South of England. One was during Dry January last year, where I used the cards to decorate an abandoned phone box. I have also done a few pop-up exhibitions in Hyde Park in London. These have been a fantastic opportunity to invite others along and have a meet-up too. I've met new people both online and in person."
PLEASE POST TO
THE SOBER PROJECT P.O. Box 9693 Dorchester, Dorset DT1 9JP UNITED KINGDOM
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
All you need is love. but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
CHARLES M. SCHULZ
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
beauty + fashion
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
"Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform
it into a door." - Coco Chanel
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Wake Up which is powered by science, and balanced by botanicals, Sunday Riley’s earned a reputation for performance-driven products that exceed your expectations. the exclusive Wake Up With Me Kit is a six-piece regime, spanning from creamy cleanser to dark circle- defying eye cream, that will rouse your radiance.
SHOP HERE ➤
Handpicked by Reese Witherspoon, The Sunshine Set is your key to summer-ready skin full of glow-boosting essentials packed with full-sized hydrating heroes. Starting with Squalane + Vitamin C Rose Oil, absorb skin-loving benefits from industry-adored ingredients that work harmoniously together to firm and brighten your complexion in just a few droplets. Brimming with powerful antioxidants and a luxuriously lightweight formula, this squalane-rich oil rescues dull, lacklustre skin from the brink and restores your once-radiant glow. SHOP HERE ➤
Paula's Choice is a huge Tiktok sensation with thousands of followers making this a cult-hero product. When the breakout hits, this Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant from PAULAS CHOICE is an essential in your skin care armoury. Ideal for blemish-prone, oily or combination types, this non-abrasive formula is laced with BHA salicylic acid to remove dead skin cells both on the skins surface and within the pore. SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
ALISO SUPERCHARGED FACE OIL Organic Rosehip Oil, famous for its antioxidant and hydrating properties, is supercharged with Organic Sea Buckthorn, which is a rich source of all four Omega fatty acids - Omega 3, Omega 6, Omega 7, and Omega 9. Sea Buckthorn has skin-calming properties, is very rich in carotenoids, and is known to promote skin hydration and elasticity. Bring out the skin's natural radiance by using daily. Can also be used as a nutritious 'glide' with Aliso Spa grade facial tools.
SHOP HERE ➤
A lightweight, matte foundation infused with hyaluronic acid to help hydrate skin but still hold firm for 24 hours with its sweat, humidity and water-resistant formula. Blurs and reduces the look of pores and imperfections for a flawless finish. This liquid foundation feels natural and easy to wear! Medium to full coverage for normal to oily skin. AYU PERFECT SKIN FOUNDATION Harness the natural power of cold temperatures to help increase microcirculation, collagen production, and toxin elimination. These Cryo Globes are crafted from surgical stainless steel and have a soothing, anti-inflammatory, and firming effect on the skin. They help to calm inflamed skin and to reduce puffiness. Additionally, they help to regulate the blood circulation of your face and tighten and firm the skin. SHOP HERE ➤ CRYO GLOBES
SHOP HERE ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Fans of double-cleansing will love using Susanne Kaufmann's luxurious cleansing oil as the first step of their ritual. It's infused with a blend of sunflower, grapeseed, and apricot kernel oils, and vitamin E.
Bisou Blush : Give your cheeks a kiss of couleur. This matte-cream blush melts into skin to create a natural, fresh-faced flush. Each Bisou Blush houses a swirl of marbled pigments to deliver a multi-dimensional wash of color that adds a healthy blush to your skin.
SHOP NOW ➤
SHOP NOW ➤
Charlotte Tilbury 24HR Pillow Talk Push-Up Lashes! mascara is my LASH INNOVATION and the secret to instant LENGTH, WEIGHTLESS VOLUME, STRETCH, and a 24- HOUR Pillow Talk Push Up Lashes is your beauty AMPLIFIER to make your eyes look bigger, brighter, and more awake! Make your eye colour POP and create the perfect Pillow Talk lash! Super Black is a classic jet-black shade to add definition and intensity for dark, thick and full- looking lashes
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
NO.7 PURE RETINOL
Take the No7 Challenge
Improves 7 key signs of aging around the eyes Deep wrinkles appear reduced Minimizes the look of dark circles & puffiness Dermatologically tested Fragrance-Free Developed with pure retinol and to minimize irritation, this dermatologically tested eye cream targets the appearance of 7 key signs of aging around the eyes to firm, lift, hydrate and brighten skin. Fine lines, wrinkles, crow's feet, dark circles & puffiness appear reduced, while skin tone looks more even. Wrinkles appear smoother in 2 weeks. (Available in Walgreens USA)
SHOP HERE ➤
OIL OF OLAY FEARLESS ARTIST SERIES
The Fearless Artist Series is part of the brand’s commitment to elevating the stories of women of color in art and science while also increasing the representation of products designed for women of color. It is formulated with its vitamin B3 complex and is available in three body washes. SHOP HERE ➤
HYDRO UNGRIP MAKE UP CLEANSER
Hydro Ungrip Makeup Removing Cleansing Balm The formula combines blue agave extract, the ingredient from the brand’s TikTok- viral Hydro Grip Primer, with sunflower and soybean oils to make a no-residue and mostly natural makeup remover, melting away any stubborn makeup.
SHOP HERE ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
MOROCCANOIL MINI COLOR DEPOSITING MASK
A dual-benefit mask that deposits temporary color while thoroughly nurturing hair for a healthier look and feel. Use these conditioning masks to play with fashion colors, enhance your existing shade or extend color between salon visits. Individual results will vary. Colors may be less vibrant on darker and virgin (untreated) hair. Not formulated to color greys. Use shade chart to find the best shades for you.
SHOP HERE ➤
Maybelline Brow Define and Fill Duo 2-in-1 Defining Pencil with Filling Powder. Achieve smooth and full brows with this two-in-one eyebrow pencil. Use the pencil to shape and filling powder to fill. SHOP HERE ➤
ROSE FOR YOUR LIPS!
Drench your lips in hydration with this silky lip cream. This lip balm with nourishing rose flower oil delivers up to 24 hours of hydration to relieve dry lips, while the conditioning formula improves texture for a softened look. SHOP HERE ➤
BRONZER Warm Wishes Effortless Bronzer Sticks A breakthrough bronzing stick for a quick and visible sunkissed glow with a smooth, seamless, second-skin finish—just swipe on, blend, and go.
HYDRAULIC ACID
This is the a best selling serum from Inkey and has become a cult-beauty product over the past year as it is priced so keenly and has quality giving value for money.
SHOP HERE ➤
SHOP HERE ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Curated by trusted beauty blogger Allana Davison, Nudestix's. is perfect for creating a fresh, natural, ‘no make-up' makeup look, these soft balms can be scribbled all over the face to grant effortless radiance on cheeks, eyes, and lips. Conveniently dual-ended – with the colour stick at one end and a blending brush at the other – these buildable multi-taskers are your one-stop shop for fresh-faced beauty.
Huda Beauty's Bomb Brows Microshade Pencil, a 2-in-1 spoolie and ultra-fine 0.9mm tip, retractable brow pencil which precisely defines, shapes and fills brows for a microblade effect you'll adore. Perfect for creating the brows of your dreams, this Bomb Brows Microshade Pencil from Huda Beauty unites a spoolie brush and an ultra-fine 0.9mm tip, retractable brow pencil.
For timeless eye enhancement look no further than Charlotte Tilbury's The 'little (brown or black) dresses' of your make up wardrobe, each pigment-rich formula is infused with opaque (long-wear) powders and a blend of nourishing oils for a flawless, transfer-resistant finish, every time...
For those ladies who wish to have a long-stay lipstick that has the luxury feel, this crayon is a wonderful addition to your tote bag for Spring-Summer. Dubbed Best Lip Crayon of 2020 in the Allure Best of Beauty Awards. Super Stay® Ink Crayon is a long-lasting lip crayon available in a range of 23 vibrant matte shades that last up to 8 hours.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Pestle + Mortar offers a luxurious body scrub and body butter duo enriched with ceramides and infused with an uplifting citrus scent. Who amongst us does not love a decent body scrub formulation?
Hydrate + Glow from 'Sculpted by Aimee" contains leader products from her range that ensure your skin is glowing and feeling fresh and moisturised.
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SHOP NOW ➤
Leaves hair hydrated and refreshed, silky smooth, and looking super healthy. Hops and nettle extracts help create bounce and volume. Babassu oil, matcha green tea and carrageen moss extract help give a lightweight, silky finish. Formerly known as SUPER NATURAL SHAMPOO. Every woman either via hormones or dehydration in early sobriety could do with a boost to create that amazing sober hair we find ourselves in the stewardship of. This shampoo : PARADOX offers VOLUME SHAMPOO 250ML Perfect for all hair types, this 91% natural shampoo cleans, strengthens + adds volume.
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Hola Sober Team Pick
One of my best friends' daughter the beautiful Lena is getting married in December and we have been looking at every facial product on the planet for her Mum to glow like the queen she is. Charlotte Tilbury is here to help with her all-new Cryro range. Inspired by the high- performance ice tech of cryotherapy and the ancient art of facial acupressure techniques, this unique, reusable mask works in synergy with Charlotte’s research-powered skincare to create the appearance of lifted, firmer, refreshed, and revived skin. Inspired by the high-performance ice tech of cryotherapy and the ancient art of facial acupressure, Charlotte Tilbury’s new Cryo-Recovery Face Mask visibly smooths, depuffs, lifts, and firms the look of your skin.
SHOP NOW ➤
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
November Nails GOLD HOLIDAY SHIMMER
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
THIS SEAONS GOLD
ESSIE Good As Gold
CHRISTIAN DIOR #328 Golden Girl Pearl
CHANEL #532 Canotier
MAC
Rosalia
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
HOLA SOBER
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
ZARA Cross body bag with the chain looks chic this season! (Image taken from website)
ZARA Draped pleated Limited Edition black dress. Long dress made of a viscose blend. High neck with a short sleeve side and a sleeveless side. Draped fabric detail. Asymmetric pleated hem in matching fabric. (Image taken from website)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Black Velvet from COS, crafted from luxurious velvet enhanced with Mulberry silk, this short- sleeved dress is designed to fall over the body with an A-line silhouette. It has a gathered high neckline and discreet side-seam pockets.
(Images from the Company Website)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Dangling Rhinestone recycled brass fab earrings! From Other Stories, shop HERE These are a fab buy to have in your jewellery closet and will jazz up any outfit. Where is it written that you CANNOT wear rhinestone daily!!
H + M offer this fabulous sequin dress for the young women in the pack! Click HERE
(Image taken from website)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
OTHER STORIES
Flared Heeled Silver stand-out sandals from Other Stories. Platform sandals made from Nappa leather with thin ankle straps, buckle closure, and round toe. These are a wonderful addition to your shoe- wardrobe for the holiday season and they can also work their summer magic when the sun comes back out!
(Images taken from websites)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Wolford Fabulous strapless stretch-
jersey maxi dress. Belt it up and make it yours
this season. Click HERE
Sparkly jumper that is guaranteed to bring a smile to any winter dull days. From Other Stories, shop HERE
(Images taken from websites)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Decorative Rhinestone embellished jumper from Other Stories. Fabulous with jeans or dress trousers.! Click HERE
PRADA will take care of any sunshine winter glare on the slopes or going out OUT with these black + white wonders! Click HERE
Decorative Rhinestone black mules from Other Stories. Perfect with any look this season. Click HERE
(Images taken from websites)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
LLINERA SUEDE - This Drawstring Crossbody Bag is a caged drawstring shoulder bag crafted in Spanish calf suede and trimmed with smooth calf leather. Made in Spain by local artisans, celebrates excellence in craftsmanship.
Made in Spain by local artisans, celebrates excellence in craftsmanship.
(Photos Courtesy of Website)
SHOP
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Pointy Mary Jane Pointy Mary Jane loafer crafted in Spanish full- grain calf leather. Hand-sewn using the traditional moccasin construction. The outsole is stitched to the upper for extra flexibility and durability. Made in Spain by local artisans, celebrates excellence in craftsmanship.
Who doesn't love a sweet Mary Jane shoe worn with jeans, dresses, to the office, or on a night when you are out OUT? Step into some Catalan chic this month with this magnificent classic sober treat.
(Photos Courtesy of Website)
SHOP
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Treat yourself to these Gucci sunglasses and protect your eyes in the winter sunshine. How many women have you had coffee with on an outside terrace as they squint madly over their latte!!
CLICK here
(Image taken from website)
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
nothing is ever perfect. it is what you make of it.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
MAKING ROOM FOR JOY BY ANN DOWSETT JOHNSTON
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
November in Canada can be a dark month. Night comes early, and the trees are bare, leaves having gusted to the ground. Winter is around the corner, inbound for the next several months. We hunker down, bundle up, nest by the fire. My best friend, a talented, creative writer, whose birthday falls on the 15th, often finds herself under the covers, overwhelmed by the grayness of it all. More often, she leaves town, escaping to the light of Oaxaca or, as in this year, Bhutan. Not me. November is a month when I make room for joy. This is a precious time for me: my sobriety date is November 3rd, a day I celebrate . It usually starts with a walk with my first sponsor and “serenity sister,” followed by an hour of writing, a reflection on the year just passed. Often, I spend the evening with loved ones. In Year One, I took five friends and my sister to dinne r, the people who played a pivotal role in getting me through those first tough 12 months. Year Eight, it was Alexandra Fuller, the brilliant author of Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight . She—my writing tutor--and I had had many long conversations about the pinking of the alcohol market and the role of wine in women’s lives. She was test-driving sobriety. We celebrated with sparkling water at a diner in Jackson, Wyoming, her thoughtful 10-year-old daughter in tow. And here’s my secret: each year, I buy myself a gift to mark the occasion. That Fuller year? A slim gold ring, with eight small stones. Fourteen years in, I may buy a red cedar canoe, to mark all the joy I want to embrace: the vibrant coming years in my young granddaughter’s life . I first found out about Frances, aka Frankie, mid-hosting a Hola Sober meeting last fall . With her birth, I made a simple decision: I want to make more room for joy.
And I will do just that: on November 25th, I will celebrate what we Canadians call “Yanksgiving,” now known as “Frank’s- giving, ” as she careens into her first birthday. Making room for joy means feasting on the moment. We ditch the rear-view mirror; we put down the binoculars. I remember a particularly bad stretch of life when I was 18 months sober: my dad was dying of end-stage alcoholism, my sweetheart had ditched me, and my son had left to study in another country. My 12-step group was tender and supportive—especially since I hadn’t picked up a drink. But still, it was a tough season. One evening, a man I knew well asked if he could share the Taoist parable of the Chinese farmer. Here is how he told it: Once there was a farmer whose horse ran away. All the neighbors said, “That’s too bad.”
The farmer said, “Maybe.”
The next day the horse came back, bringing seven wild horses with it. The neighbors said: “Wonderful!”
The farmer said: “Maybe.”
Days later, the farmer’s son fell off one of the wild horses and broke his leg. “That’s terrible,” said the neighbors.
The farmer said, “Maybe.”
Soon, the army came to conscript all the young men, rejecting the farmer’s son because of his broken leg. “How lucky!” said the neighbors. And the farmer said, “Maybe.” With that, my friend just smiled, gave me a hug, and walked away.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Since then, I have never forgotten that story. Making room for joy means living in the maybes—and working gratitude a bit differently than most. Let me explain. That same tough season, a friend handed me a small book on gratitude by Melody Beattie, the It Girl of recovery literature who rocketed to fame with The Language of Letting Go. Beattie’s formula for gratitude—grounded in her own experience when she was making her youthful transition from honor-roll student turned junkie-thief-stripper turned addiction counsellor-mother-bestselling author—was simple. She advocated cultivating gratitude for everything in your life: the good, the bad, the indifferent. But especially the bad. Beattie believes that just as in martial arts, resistance is the fastest way to disconnect from our own emotions, locking us into battle with reality and above all, ourselves. You must befriend what is, all the while setting your intention for what you want.
When I was first given the book, I was put off by the title—Make Miracles in Forty Days: Turning What You Have into What You Want. But Beattie has soulful credibility in the world. Besides, life was giving me a solid whacking, and I was open. Beattie enchanted me with one phrase near the opening: “Grace neutralizes anguish .” I knew that was true from my experience in early recovery, when I had sunk to my knees. That day—November 3, 2008--my sponsor had come forward, and I had not sipped a drink since. I believe in grace. Beattie also said this: “A monkey can count his blessings.” She was challenging me to do things differently. What did I have to lose? Forty days of thanking for the tough stuff wouldn’t kill me.
And, as Beattie suggested, I set an intention. Why not?
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
So I wrote one: I wanted to write a book about the closing gender gap on risky drinking, the sort of book I had needed so urgently when I was wrestling with my own confounding, messy slide into addiction. I wanted to write a book that laid it all bare and made sense of the reasons why high- functioning, professional women like myself were using alcohol to self-medicate and numb. I would call my book The Drinking Diaries. I tucked my intention into a notebook and set it aside. For 40 days, I followed Beattie’s formula to the letter. I wrote my gratitude list with a twist, thanking for the things breaking my heart, for my fear of the future, and for my seemingly never-ending despair. I thanked for the lessons of addiction, the challenge of depression, and the wide- open space of being unemployed. I thanked for my newly single status and the fact it was the flip side of being exquisitely loved. I thanked for my mother’s dedication in the face of my father’s advanced alcoholism—alcoholism being our family curse. I tried to be unflinching, leaning into all the grief and fear. Reluctantly, I began to see life not as a tragedy, but as an exploration . Day by day, I led my dog’s body through the boggiest parts of the woods, sniffing the foliage, stepping over fallen logs, slipping on moss, and craning for light. Slowly, we made our way toward the clearing. Eventually, we emerged from the darkest parts of the forest, a little more integrated and whole. I have never abandoned the habit of thanking for the tough stuff. Here is what I know. There’s a strange alchemy to gratitude: it works when you’re not looking, in a quiet, subterranean way, molecule by molecule.
Over time, you can make enormous shifts in how you view the world and how you move through it. Gratitude is a muscle, like any other: let it get flabby, and your sense of perspective disappears; work it daily, and the effects are undeniable. It takes a hammer to “ if-this- then-that” thinking: if I get the perfect job/romance/house, if I win the lottery, then I will be happy. Gratitude sits you down, where you are, and opens your eyes to what’s before you: the ever-peeling artichoke of life, with layer upon layer of connection. None of us know where it all ends. What is it not? Gratitude is not happiness— although it can be a pre-cursor to happiness . Gratitude is not blind positive thinking, but it can be a positive ally. Gratitude brings equanimity. It grounds us. It helps battle anxiety and depression. It helps reframe the more difficult stuff life throws our way. Gratitude is all about paying attention. And what about my intention? Well, it came true. After 40 days, I signed a book deal on exactly the subject I had set my heart on—a book deal for what became Drink. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. It came swiftly, unequivocally—and it changed my life. A big book deal, beyond my dreams. Rightly or wrongly, I have yet to set another intention. I don’t like giving the universe a shopping list. But still, I give thanks for the blessings, and I give thanks for the tough stuff. Like the Taoist farmer, I’ve decided to open my mind to the mysterious maybes. And in doing so? I am living in the moment, making room for joy: for Frankie’s first birthday, for my dog’s metronome tail, and yes, for the promise of a bright red cedar canoe.
. Ann Dowsett Johnston is the bestselling author of Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, and the driving force behind Writing Your Recovery and Writing Your Discovery , two popular memoir-writing courses .She is working on her first book of fiction. Click HERE HOLA SOBER | MADRID
MASKS & MODERATION BY JENNIFER BRIDGMAN
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But now a couple of years into recovery, I’ve had a change of heart on the matter. The truth is that alcohol nearly killed me twice, which makes me a two-time survivor. A badass even, according to the not-so-great success rates for people who used to drink like me. Nothing about addiction is for the faint of heart, and I’ve paid a hefty price for my hard- earned wisdom. But every gut-wrenching fall has turned out to be a gift and every moment of pain has served a purpose. By overcoming addiction, I’ve learned to look inward for strength and truth versus outward for acceptance and approval. After years of hiding behind a mask and trying to moderate alcohol, I now know the difference between not drinking and true recovery. I have finally found freedom—it just required two rock bottoms for me to get there. Perhaps some will read this as a cautionary tale; perhaps others will read it and relate. Either way, today I own and honor my story—the whole of it, blemishes and all— and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’VE HAD TO GET SOBER TWICE—THE BEST, MOST BRUTAL THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME, TIMES TWO. AS A PERFECTIONIST, I USED TO HATE THAT A SECOND TRIP TO REHAB WAS PART OF MY STORY—A BLEMISH ON MY RECOVERY RECORD IF YOU WILL.
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But let’s get real—we live in an alcohol- obsessed world where the drinkers stick together and fingers are often pointed at the addicted person not the addictive substance. There are many reasons those of us in recovery remain quiet. There are many reasons we remain stuck. The first time I quit drinking was back in 2007. I was in my late twenties—not an easy time in life for anyone to get sober, but particularly in my social circle. Alcohol reigned supreme over every occasion, from bachelorette parties and weddings to after- work drinks and nights on the town. Binges, blackouts, and booze-soaked bonding were the norm. Very few people around me were questioning their relationship with alcohol, let alone breaking up with booze. If a woman chose to abstain one evening, we presumed she was sick, hungover, or pregnant.
Chris and I were both about to turn 30, and when I returned from rehab, he too stopped drinking without my asking. Within months, life began to transform as I climbed out from the unmanageable wreckage of addiction and rebuilt upon an honest, sturdy foundation. Within a few years, Chris and I got married, became parents, and weathered some crazy-hard things—like his spinal cord injury that left him with permanent paralysis from the waist down. For a time, being a new wife, a new mother, and my husband’s new paralysis kept me arrow straight. I was devoted, disciplined, and never deviated from putting others first. I wasn’t just wanted—I was needed. I was praised constantly for my strength and ability do life well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I truly mattered. I credited Chris. I credited our marriage. I credited motherhood. I credited our community who readily embraced us following Chris’ accident. Never did I credit the fact that I was sober. Never did I acknowledge that my strength stemmed from having already survived hard things. I covered my scars, which I considered ugly, and hid my truth. Because if I let people see how much my life had turned around in sobriety, then they might see just how addicted I’d once been. And there was more. Deep down I still loved alcohol, and despite the endless joys of marriage and motherhood, I was heartbroken. I stopped putting alcohol to my lips and down my throat, but it had never left my mind. I remained brainwashed by booze and the messaging all around me, blaming myself for not being able to “drink responsibly” the way others could. I might have been sober, but each day I still wore a drinker’s invisible scarlet letter of shame and remorse.
Alcohol was indeed the only drug a person had to explain not using—except for me.
At some point, I had crossed that elusive line into “problem drinker” territory. I was no longer a moderate drinker; I’d become the measuring stick for others to compare, contrast, and rationalize their own alcohol use. Well, I don’t drink like Jenny, so I can’t be that bad. and excruciating—and in my case—absolutely necessary. Back then, I might have told you I was getting sober for myself, but that would have been a lie. I didn’t love myself enough to quit for me; I wouldn’t have known my own self-worth if it bit me on the ass. Getting sober was isolating No, my motivation came in the form of an ultimatum issued by my now-husband: me or the booze, he’d said.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
My first stretch of sobriety worked—kind of— in that I abstained from alcohol. But this resulted in a different kind of destruction: years of hiding behind a mask that told everyone, “I’m fine.” I let people in, but not all the way. I let people see me, but only a carefully curated version. I pretended I did not want alcohol, need it, or even think about it. I pretended I did not feel jealous when those around me drank openly, laughed freely, and connected easily. When my pregnant girlfriends and I counted down to our due dates, I smiled and nodded as they stated with relief how many weeks until they could drink again. I berated myself constantly, reminding myself that if only I’d been able to moderate, I would still be able to drink normally and therefore have a better life. I didn’t attend meetings. I never spoke of drinking. I had no day count, no chips, no recovery circles. I stashed my rehab-issued materials way up high in a spare closet. I encouraged everyone around me to drink up. I was continually left out of fun dinners and boozy brunches, wine country weekends and city nights out. When I was included, I often felt alone in a crowded room, awkwardly clinking my fizzy water against their fancy glasses. Rather than feel pride driving myself home after an evening out, I often cried. Being excluded hurt, but seeing it splashed on social media wrecked me. These weren’t just photos of bright smiles, red solo cups, and wine glasses—these were reminders that I wasn’t enough. Not even enough for an awkward conversation. Still, I kept silent. I kept smiling and nodding. I kept going online. I kept berating myself. I kept wearing my mask. The truth was alcohol still ruled my reality, regardless of whether it coursed through my veins or not. It continued to rob me of joy, define my place in the world, and remind me of my watered-down existence.
I wanted to feel levity and acceptance. I wanted back in the circle. I wanted to moderate. And so it happened: I fell off the wagon and climbed onto the tightrope. I began the performance of my life. After a few years of proving to the world what a likable, capable, reliable, room parent, team parent, clearly non-alcoholic, size-2, carpooling, playdate-hosting, scrapbooking, spreadsheeting, soul-cycling human that I was, I told myself that I could drink again. In fact, I deserved to. I had changed, after all. I scoffed at the earlier version of me—the pre- marriage/children/paralysis version that had not yet matured into resilient model 2.0. I was now a woman who could handle colossal things. Certainly, I could handle a little alcohol. I was so convinced that I even got my husband on board—the same man who’d once threatened to leave me over my drinking. The same man who’d once seen me loaded into the back of an ambulance for alcohol poisoning. The same man who’d visited me in rehab and held my hand as I wept in recovery meetings upon my return. At first moderation seemed possible; being rigid and secretive were my specialties. But we all know how this story goes. Addiction doesn’t play by the rules, and it wasn’t long before booze again had the upper hand. For a second time, alcohol would remind me that I am not unique or immune when it comes to addiction. But I was in too deep. I pushed myself harder, killing myself each day to maintain all appearances—the perfect home, marriage, kids, face, and figure. Each evening, I rewarded myself the only way I knew: more alcohol. Every hangover was justified by images and messages I saw online, and every secret was co-signed by my unwitting husband.
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I would have crashed eventually—there was no way around that—but the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine accelerated all of it. By August of 2020, alcohol again had me by the throat. I returned to rehab—this time leaving behind a husband and three children. What I hadn’t known at the time was that this second fall—the most brutal of all—would lead to my salvation. Everything about this second rising would be different than the first. Yes, initially it was relearning how to live each day without a drink. But after some time, the real healing began. I learned the truth about alcohol—the science of addiction and the lies we are fed and uphold as a booze-soaked society. I found community and connection, acceptance and accountability, and an unconditional love with myself and others that had been missing for decades. After years of numbing my light and my dark, I rediscovered my laughter, my tears, and my self-worth. Each day in recovery is an opportunity for continued growth. Lately I’ve been taking another look at moderation—only this time it has nothing to do with booze, which clearly can never cross my lips again. Instead, I am examining how I’ve not had boundaries with people, places, and things that screw with my head and heart. Am I still saying yes to invitations that deplete versus sustain me? Am I continuing to let people into my sacred inner space who do not value and honor my heart? Am I continuing to mourn invitations I didn’t receive to events I wouldn’t have wanted to attend anyway? Am I continuing to follow people on social media who make drinking and not me a priority? Am I still hoping for acceptance and validation from people who remind me I am not enough? I am stronger, but I am still human. Moderation in any form can still do damage. Today I have the chance to know better and do better. I can be the friend to myself that I always needed. I no longer pray each day for another chance—each day I live one. I will continue to stumble at times, but I have a community and my own two hands to catch me should I fall. I’ve had to get sober two times—which is now my favorite part of my story. Yes, there have been painful lessons and losses along the way, but I’ve found myself—a woman who is twice blessed with clear eyes, no mask, and two feet firmly planted on the ground.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Holiday Survival Guide UNPICKLED by Jean McCarthy
Being the only sober person in the family can feel isolating and especially so if your recovery is maligned, intentionally or otherwise. Offhanded comments, a lack of non-alcoholic beverage options, long hours of boozey conversations, games that involve drinking, or story-telling about your previous misadventures can all feel like reminders that you are no longer ‘one of them.’
Be patient.
If you are recently sober, it may take a while for your family to comprehend your new lifestyle. Many of us spent years preparing ourselves for the monumental decision to live alcohol- free, strug ‐ gling to let go of an identity or persona as a social drinker.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
JANEY LEE GRACE
SOBER COACH ANYONE? Thought about getting some coaching? Thought about becoming a Sober Coach? I feel SO blessed to be able to inspire other people to become sober / self-care coaches, once we start to appreciate all the benefits of a sober life, we want to share some of our experiences with others. I’ve trained many coaches now, and they all find a different niche for themselves. This month we focus on Sobriety Coaches for Women in Business heading into the holiday season.
THE SOBER CLUB WITH JANEY LEE GRACE
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Women In Business
Janet Hadley Janet runs Choose Sunrise, she is on a mission to create alcohol-safe workspaces, without killing the buzz. She helps employers improve productivity, reduce absence and improve employee well-being through peer support, line manager training, alcohol policy, culture, and anti-stigma activities. Janet says: ‘It's 8.30 pm, and you’ve had a long day in the office, rushed out at 5 pm on the dot to collect the children, get them fed, bathed, stories read, tucked up in bed, tidied up, folded laundry, and now you’re logging back on to finish the work that all the men in the office finished between 5-6 pm. As a close friend once quipped, “I think this is what’s called ‘having it all! Is it any wonder that the Chardonnay makes an appearance alongside the laptop? While most employers believe they don’t have an alcohol issue in their workforce, professional women up and down the country struggle to find time for proper self- care, instead self-medicating to hide the overwhelm that accompanies the average working mum’s week. Scratch the surface of the best-intentioned workplace wellbeing programs and you might be surprised how woefully inadequate the provision is for ‘grey area’ drinkers. Did I mention my own referral to a therapist who told me she drinks more than I do and not to worry? It’s time for more employers to become ‘Alcohol Wise’ Gillian is passionate about helping women who are ‘spinning too many plates’ They are usually career women, successful business owners, and professionals. All at the top of their game, but at the bottom of their priority list. She wants to help women to stop using alcohol as a crutch, to lift the fog, bring them back to themselves and create a life filled with clarity, energy, and passion. She often finds herself working with women in their prime, entering (possibly) their best chapter, but alcohol holds them back – sabotages their dreams for the future. “Among women, the highest prevalence of hazardous or harmful drinking was found among those within the 45 – 54 age group. And those living in the LEAST deprived areas were MORE likely to drink at a hazardous or harmful level.” Scottish Health Survey Their successes are evidence of a deep inner strength, yet controlling their drinking seems an impossible wall to scale. Admitting they’re struggling scares them ridged, so they put on a mask each morning and hide the truth. Gillian Cockburn
Dupe Witherick
Dupe of Thrive Alcohol-Free also loves offering coaching for professional working women aged 35 to 45 years old,
Dupe finds that these women see themselves as “normal” drinkers. They are fully functioning and have work, family, and life responsibilities but question their relationship with alcohol. They know there is more to life and think changing their relationship with alcohol could help. Many women are not as present as they would like to be in life, they lack clarity in what they really want and in some cases who they really are. They feel stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious at work and/or in their personal life. They may also feel stuck in a rut or that life is passing them by but is not sure what to do. These women will also likely be wondering if alcohol is really serving them, as deep down they know life could be better without it.
Dupe’s aim is to help women thrive, reach their full potential, and live their best life alcohol-free
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Issue no.20-Women in Business
JANEY LEE GRACE - THE SOBER CLUB
Career
Has your profession changed since you got sober? Tell me about your business and what you hope to achieve for women in recovery. My fledgling business, Choose Sunrise, is founded on the belief that no one should feel afraid to ask for help with alcohol use. I’m taking this message into the workplace, helping professional women (and men) to catch sight of what life might be like without alcohol. By taking alcohol on the same de- stigmatisation journey that other taboo subjects have been on (e.g. depression, anxiety, mental health, menopause) I believe we can reach people and help them to reset their relationship with alcohol to prevent alcohol use disorder from developing, rather than trying to reverse the damage afterwards like most traditional alcohol services. What does coaching-program-etc look like and what do you offer at Choose Sunrise? Whiles most employers believe they don’t have an alcohol issue in their workforce, professional women up and down the country are struggling to find time for proper self- care, instead self-medicating to hide the overwhelm that accompanies the average working mum’s week. Scratch the surface of the best-intentioned workplace wellbeing programmes and you might be surprised how woefully inadequate the provision is for ‘grey area’ drinkers. Did I mention my own referral to a therapist who told me she drinks more than I do and not to worry? At Choose Sunrise, we’re on a mission to create alcohol-safe workspaces , without killing the buzz. We help employers improve productivity, reduce absence and improve employee well-being through peer support, line manager training, alcohol policy, culture and anti-stigma activities. What does the future hold for you? We’re developing a comprehensive accredited programme aimed at employers who genuinely care about the well-being of their colleagues and we’re looking for 5-8 pilot employers to work with us in 2023 to road-test the proposition at a reduced cost. What is your favourite quote in the sober world? "The best thing about getting sober is feeling all the feelings, and the worst thing about getting sober is feeling all the feelings! "
A new beginning for Janet Hadley
have really improved since I stopped drinking, which is something others have really noticed, too. What are your sober rituals daily? I’m currently in a routine of getting up early to go cold water swimming in a local Lido – the wine-drinking version of me would never have believed that! I’m also partial to a bottle of Leftfield Kombucha at about 8 pm most evenings. Do you have a home team (community) in sobriety? It is 100% the Sober Club Coaches whom I trained with – I know that they’ll always be there to lend an ear and cheer me on – we’re really lucky to have all met through Janey’s amazing training and have a really close bond! Have you found meditation, podcasts, or books helpful in recovery? Janey’s podcast is brilliant, and I also enjoy The Bubble Hour and Sober Awkward. I’ve devoured every quit lit book I can get my hands on and have reviewed many of them on my website, but my favourite has to go to Catherine Grey for the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober – it genuinely changed my life. What was the last sober book you read? Glorious Rock Bottom by Bryony Gordon. A brutally honest autobiographical account of truly hitting rock bottom and rising up again. Do you have any sober heroes/heroines? It’s got to be Janey Lee Grace for me – finding her podcast was a turning point for me in realising that living a sober life was actually a possibility for me. If there is someone reading this out there what would be your top sober tip for them ? If you’ve tried to moderate your drinking, but keep finding yourself back at square one, open your mind to the possibility that ditching the booze completely might actually be easier – and a lot more fun!
What is your sober date? I stopped drinking on 26th June 2020 in the first lockdown in the UK How long do you think you had a problem with alcohol before you took the decision to make the changes and do the work? The turning point for me was when my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I found my relationship with alcohol took on a dark side, as my drinking went from ‘sociable and fun’ to ‘numbing out and forgetting’. It was at least 2 years before I finally had to admit that my attempts to moderate were not working – I felt that I had to stop. If only I’d known how much better life would be, I’d have done it years ago! I never had an off-switch with booze. What program did you use to reach freedom from alcohol? Twelve Step or Modern Recovery? I sought help from an alcohol counselor who was brilliant, but it’s been the sober community and meeting others who are further along than me that’s helped me maintain long-term sobriety. Professionally has your sober decision had any consequences? In my ‘day job’ as I call it, it’s not made a huge amount of difference, other than surprising a lot of people and raising a few eyebrows.! However, it’s made a huge difference to my career path choices.I recently stepped down from a promotion at work so that I have the mental capacity to work on my start-up business, helping employers to create drink-safe workplaces, without killing the buzz. Have you seen great changes within your relationships at home + work in sobriety? Definitely – I am so much calmer, and I’m a better mum. I listen more, I’m less sensitive to criticism and generally much better balanced. I’m not perfect, but my mental health and anxiety levels
So true!
www.choosesunrise.co.uk
THE SOBER CLUB WITH JANEY LEE GRACE
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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