Hola Sober December

Please enjoy sober motivation and inspiration, beauty and fashion and so much more this month.

For the adventurous sober soul hola sober

DECEMBER 2022

RUNNING WITH AMBER PEGGI COONEY JANEY LEE GRACE BETH MT MARIA MACKENTY LINDA REDMOND COLUMNISTS

TAROT WISDOM STUDENT OF LIFE SOLITUDE ANN DOWSETT JOHNSTON JENNIFER BRIDGMAN

WISHING YOU A VERY

FROM THE HOLA SOBER FAMILY •2022•

You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax. Master the day. Then just keep doing that every day. Not today lady, not today.

•2022•

hola sober Susan Christina Creamer Susan Christina Creamer Editor + Publisher Creative Director

Gee E. Colette Louise Ann Dowsett Johnston Linda McGrath-Redmond Maria MacKenty Sophie Pelham-Burn Peggi Cooney Beth MT Lynn Wood Janey Lee Grace Lisa Hamil (Bear) The Virgin Mary (Dublin) Jennifer Bridgman Hola Sober Sisters Iris Lisa Wilde Jordi V. Max, Noah + Samuel Susan + Lisa Lisa Wilde Hola Sober Sisters Globally Gee + Colette + Judith + Deb Irish Family said 'Go Ahead.'

Mental Health Columnist Tarot Columnist Columnist Columnist Columnist Nutritionist Columnist

Columnist Columnist Columnist

Wellness Columnist Wellness Columnist Alcohol Free Columnist

Contributor Contributor

Hola Sober Office Dog Hola Sober Assistant Senior Tea Maker Senior Mood Booste rs Proof Readers Contributing Writer Contributing Photographer Daily Cheerleaders Family Blessing

There is NO REVENUE generated by advertisers as they support the sober community in a variety of ways. All columnists VOLUNTEER their precious time and talent to ensure your inbox is filled with colour, motivation, inspiration, and education. Hola Sober is an epic example of high-impact volunteering in the sober space and our family's social impact investment in time and money and tea.

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

CONTENTS

REGULAR FEATURES

Susan's Welcome Note

Team Picks

Beauty, Fashion + Team Picks

Dear Gee

JANEY LEE GRACE P. 50 BOSS THSI SOBER CHRISTMAS.

RUNNING WITH AMBER PEGGI COONEY P. 66

Tarot with Colette

131

SOBER ROCK STARS

JENNIFER BRIDGMAN STUDENT OF LIFE P. 50

Ann Dowsett Johnston

Jennifer Bridgman

Janey Lee Grace

Beth MT

Maria Mackenty

Peggi Cooney

BETH MT P.58

INSPIRATION

HORMONES + ALCOHOL

Holiday Strategies by Lisa Hamil

Village Voices

Linda McGrath-Redmond

We Are Included by Jane McKay

108

Books -Fergal Keane + Madeleine Floyd

114

ANN DOWSETT JOHNSTON

FERGAL KEANE

DECEMBER BOOK RECOMMENDATION

SOLITUTDE P.46

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

editor's note How did I wake up in December days from Christmas? I suppose the answer is in the previous week's activity which involved, Dr. Jose and his team taking me back into the theatre for further surgery. He successfully did what was needed so that I head into January 2023, with multiple stents in place as one of the lucky ones, as many women do not have the luxury of diagnosis and solution which I have had. Although it has been hellish at times , I have made it out to the other side, and being alcohol-free has helped that journey from sickness to health; if I was still drinking, I would have met my maker over the past three months....... As always our columnists and contributors have knocked it out of the park this holiday season with marvelous articles that will inspire and motivate you this month. Our team picks for shopping are outstanding and I hope you find some sober treats in there. The words of John O Donohue who is one of my favourite Irish writers are rather fitting as I face my first Christmas without my own Mam, and I am feeling all the feels and thinking of all of you sober ladies out there facing a holiday season in grief.

At The End Of The Year by John O Donohue

As this year draws to its end, We give thanks for the gifts it brought And how they became inlaid within Where neither time nor tide can touch them. The days when the veil lifted And the soul could see delight; When a quiver caressed the heart, In the sheer exuberance of being here. Surprises that came awake, In forgotten corners of old fields Where expectation seemed to have quenched. The slow, brooding times. When all was awkward, And the wave in the mind Pierced every sore with salt. The darkened days that stopped The confidence of the dawn. Days when beloved faces shone brighter. With light from beyond themselves; And from the granite of some secret sorrow, A stream of buried tears loosened. We bless this year for all we learned, For all, we loved and lost, And for the quiet way, it brought us. Nearer to our invisible destination. From my family and all at Team Hola Sober we wish you and yours a wonderful holiday and year ahead as we powerfully look skyward and say not today lady, not today;

l ots of love to you all,

Susan Christina Creamer EDITOR + PUBLISHER Susan Christina Creamer

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

I trust the next chapter because I know the author as I look skyward each morning and say not today lady, not today.

-Susan Christina Creamer -

•2022•

It's time.

If not now, when?

NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY.

TEAM PICKS November 2022

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

SUSAN'S PICK

Everlasting Candles who knew they even existed!! I got a gift of these wonderful "candles" this month and I have fallen in love with them. Introducing the candle that never melts. A handcrafted steel oil candle that is guaranteed to be your new favorite piece of décor. Whether you're shopping for yourself or someone special - give a gift that lasts a lifetime. Handcrafted by a husband and wife in Fraser Valley, BC, the Everlasting Candle is an elegant gift. Inspired and created from their love of design and ambiance, this real-flame candle offers an elegant and timeless take on a household staple. I also love the fact that it was a start-up business run by a husband and wife team and this candle has brought such joy to my life over the past few weeks. I would HIGHLY recommend you treat yourself or gift a friend.

SHOP NOW ➤

GEE'S PICK My pick this month is a this beautiful green snood and gloves from Ted Baker. It is made in a soft wool blend and is comfortable and cosy to wear. It lifts any jacket as I run around doing errands this Christmas and I love it!

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C O L E T T E ' S P I C K No matter how much you put inside (including a 13-inch laptop), there always seems to be room for more in this Tote by Kate Spade. I love the pattern and can wear it with everything from jeans to snow boots!! I love this sober December treat!

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

My new obsession this month is from Tarte Cosmetics and also comes in a hand travel size. This pot of goodness is sweet and simple and is whipped body butter that needs to take up residence on your nightstand! Macadamia oil, orange peel oil and sweet almond create the softest of aroma and glides on your skin. Treat yourself this month as it will be the ultimate reward at the end of a long busy day filled with family and busyness. Slow it down with cake butter! PEGGI'S PICK SHOP NOW ➤

LINDA'S PICK This small travel beauty fridge is the perfect tabletop size for my bathroom. This streamlined fridge features a built-in shelf that helps maximize its space. And if you decide to switch up its functionality and use it to cool other items, "It also comes with a car charger adapter so that you can use it in your car to keep your creams cool heading to the beach for the weekend!" I love being able to store my skincare products correctly and this little beauty fridge is my sober treat this month!!

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BETH'S PICK

My product of the month is I bought these for myself as a little treat as I thought they looked beautiful, and I wasn’t disappointed. Not only do they look stunning, but they are also comfortable too. They would be a gorgeous Christmas present too. "Think BIG, shop SMALL With bespoke hand-painted prints dreamed and designed in- house by us, we pride ourselves on our long-lasting design being high quality at an affordable price." I love that it is a female lead and was created by Fiona Bell, founder and previous buyer in the fashion industry. When I spend my sober treat fund I want it to go into businesses that take care of their customers and have a good ethos. My December offering is cosy and beautiful!

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

NO DRAMA, NO BULLSHIT NO DOGMAS

FREE SUPPORT SOBER VOUCHER NOT TODAY LADY NOT TODAY.

NO DRAMA, NO BULLSHIT NO DOGMAS

SOBER VOUCHER FREE SUPPORT

NOT TODAY LADY NOT TODAY.

SOBER VOUCHER FREE SUPPORT NOT TODAY LADY NOT TODAY.

NO DRAMA, NO BULLSHIT NO DOGMAS

Hola Sober Buddies

This Aveda hand creme is the best moisturizer out there! Oprah has her own “favorite things” list, and this product is on Sherri’s list!! It is light but deeply moisturizes without feeling greasy. The best thing about it is the heavenly smell. All Aveda products are made with natural botanical essences and known for their divine aromas! This creme comes in a 4.2 oz size, and a handy purse size, too. It’s a bit pricey but worth it, IMO. (There are presently some holiday discounts, though!). I love gifting Aveda to special women in my life, as I think the best gifts are the things I love for myself!! Shop online, or in an Aveda salon near you! Merry Holidays to us all!! SHERRI'S PICK

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JO'S PICK

I love drinking this organic hot cocoa with Reishi mushrooms before bed. The combination of cocoa and mushrooms might sound a bit strange but it is adecadent and delicious way to get me ready for bed and get a good night’s sleep. It tastes like dessert and does the trick when I feel like I need a treat before bed. I mix it with almond or cashew milk and drink it hot. It is organic and is made with Reishi mushrooms, cocoa, coconut palm sugar, cinnamon, cardamon, and stevia. It is the right way to treat yourself at the end of the day. and beautiful!

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LISA B. PICK Embers - One Ojibway's Meditations" is one of the best books I discovered in the past few years. The author, Richard Wagamese, is one of Canada's most beloved Indigenous authors and storytellers. Embers is not a novel but a collection of meditations that developed from his morning exercise of "Ojibway ceremony, ritual, and protocol." I can open this book to any page in the stillness of my morning and be left absorbing and reflecting - with a quiet sense of peace. "These days I choose to face life head-on—and I have become a comet. I arc across the sky of my life and the harder times are the friction that lets the worn and tired bits drop away. It's a good way to travel; eventually, I will wear away all resistance until all there is left of me is light. I can live towards that end." SHOP NOW ➤

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

TEAM DRYY PICKS

Crystal openly admits she loves her tea and this lovely selection is a great addition to our sober world! "I'm a little bit obsessed with tea and all it's deliciousness... so to me, this is the perfect alcohol-free Christmas present!"

Who doesn't need a decent mug for your tea or coffee Crystal has the perfect mug that she is in love with! " She told me "I love these monogram mugs from Anthropologie. They are just a beautiful and personalised gift for the tea or coffee lover!"

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Multiple branded sweatshirts, hats and beanies from DRYY in their online store. There is an adorable pink sweatshirt which arrived in early December that is a lush colour to bring some festive cheer to your world! Black College Hoodies and Baseball hats are also on sale here. Check out the store to merchandise from DRYY.

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

LISA WILDE'S PICK

Kate Spade Cute Wallet with chain to wear as a cross bag. Small, and versatile the Morgan Flap Chain Wallet is a wonderful stylish addition to your wardrobe as it will work in any season!

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Pearl Drop Earrings from Anthropologie are timeless yet have an edge and coolness this season. Every woman should have pearls in her jewellery collection and we at Hola Sober are big fans of all types of pearl jewellery.

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Here is a fun way to wear your initial with this monogram pearl necklace. Pretty and sweet and let's be honest, a little different to crystallised lettering. We love it!

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

BEST BEAUTY BUYS THAT REALLY WORK

SHOP WISELY FASHION

NAIL POLISH MULE

Loewe cemented its status as a fashion brand that is edgy and street cool with its fabulous open-toe mules in calfskin with an objets trouvés nail polish heel. The Spanish brand is making waves again this year with this one!

SHOP

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

At Hola Sober Madrid we love our sequins and wear some sparkle every single day which brings such joy! This fabulous sequin co-ord is keenly priced and one that you could rock a couple of times a season and have it for an age!

CLICK HERE

(Image taken from website)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

BOW SANDAL

Anke strap sandal in lambskin with an oversized silver bow at the front.

SHOP

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Marmont matelassé leather super mini bag. The GG Marmont mini bag in white matelassé leather is defined by its softly structured shape and a flap closure. The Double G defines the line, a three-dimensional detail inspired by an archival design from the '70s.

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Wide Collar Sherpa Coat in faux fur will bring the perfect amount of glamour to any outfit!

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID HOLA SOBER | MADRID

FABERGÉ

CARTIER

If you are hitting a big anniversary and have millions hidden under the floorboards, this watch will set you back a vast fortune but if watches are your thing.

How much money have you saved this year by not drinking? Probably a lot more than your app tells you. This is sober TREAT like no other. Cartier is a girl's best friend!

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MICHAEL KORS

This glamourous Michael Kors watch is a very similar in look to more expensive brands with a 'tank' look. Simple an elegant with lovely crystal edging. You cannot go wrong and without a hefty price tag, it's a lovely gift for someone you love or a sober treat for you this month!

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

According to fashion bloggers and journalists, patterned tights are back with a bang this winter. Reclaimed Vintage inspired check print tights in green from ASOS will freshen up any outfit!

Fun and funky tights from Calzedonia. These pretty knock-out tights are Diamanté Appliqué Cut-Out 100 Denier Opaque Tights. Talk about elevating a simple dress, this is next-level Christmas tights!

Another gem from Eileen Fisher Sleek and practical. A slim crossbody bag perfect for holding your phone. In our subtly textured Italian leather. Our buttery-soft Italian leather with a subtly textured surface.

HOLA SOBER | MADRID HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Every woman needs a warm padded yet STYLISH winter jacket and the GIANNI from SSENSE

Brown Quilted Coat made from recycled polyester with a pointed collar and concealed press-stud placket at two-way zip closure. Great pockets and vent at the side seam with a beautiful raglan sleeve. It is a neutral teak colour and even the fill is 100% recycled polyester as is the lining also made of 100% recycled polyester. It's a one off-purchase and yet cost per wear will be pence as trust me, you will throw it on all winter long. Love this one!

(Images from the Company Website)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

This fabulous functional tote bag in a soft vegan leather fabric, that's perfect for travel and everyday wear, with interior lining, magnetic snap closure, interior leather pocket and logo tag detail. This is a great bag that is keenly prcied by Abercrombie + Fitch.

From A + F this pair of Curve Love Vegan Leather 90s Straight Pants are a great find. So bestie buys only vegan friendly products and is always pointing me to them to share here in the magazine! (Deb ❤️ )

(Image taken from website)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

ZARA

LACE-UP HEELED LEATHER SANDALS - LIMITED EDITION

Leather stiletto-heel sandals. Wide front with an opening at the toe. Wide fabric straps for tying at the ankle. Square toe.

Heel height: 9 cm. / 3.5″

ZARA

LIMITED EDITION DRESS WITH DRAPED DETAIL

Midi dress made of viscose. Featuring a surplice neckline, one long sleeve, one sleeve falling below the elbow, side pleats, draped fabric, a seamless hem, and invisible side zip fastening.

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

WHISTLES

LAYLA LAYERED SEQUIN SHIRT

Flooded with high-shine dark green sequins that catch the light from every angle, this shirt is crafted from a responsibly sourced sequin and is the defining style of the season. Style with a matching sequin skirt with heels, slick your hair back into a ponytail, and you're ready for the party.

WHISTLES

PENCIL SEQUIN SKIRT

Bring a touch of drama with our sequin skirt. Crafted from responsible material, this skirt boasts a slim silhouette with a side split that adds a twist to your evening look. Style with a minimal top or matching sequin top and heels for a full look. (Images taken from websites)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

This cute emerald green cross bag is the beloved Bibi bag in an easy-to-wear style in an irresistible shade of green. Designed with an adjustable strap with two compartments, it is perfect for storing your essentials in style

From COS these chunky glass earrings are fun, colourful and work through the seasons. These hoop earrings are crafted from transparent green recycled glass and fasten with a secure bell- back closure. They're the perfect size for everyday wear but still chunky enough to make a statement. - Recycled glass is made from broken shards that are put through a heating, cooling and shaping process

(Image taken from website)

Made in Italy, this Big Flat Chain green necklace for women by Vanessa Baroni . The label Vanessa Baroni was founded in 2009 by the designer of the same name. designer of the same name with the aim of creating accessories to match fashion. The inspiration comes from travel, art and the current fashion. fashion. This necklace convinces thanks to the brand- typical, eye-catching statement links and fashionable colours. links as well as in fashionable colours. (Image taken from website)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

RED BOOTS (Linda's Pick)

Linda believes everyone needs red boots in their wardrobe and guess what? Red boots are not JUST for Christmas they can carry you through mulitple seasons!

(Photos Courtesy of Website)

SHOP

BROWN BOOTS

(Sue's Pick)

GUICCI

A historic symbol of the House, the Horsebit is

presented on an ankle boot in smooth brown leather. A gold- plated block heel add s a refined touch to the style.

(Photos Courtesy of Website)

SHOP

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

BEIGE BOOTS (Lisa's Pick)

The Betty ankle rain boot revisits the Maison's iconic

Wellington boot in an original shape with a matte finish and an authentic look. The boot incorporates Chloé's signature contours.

(Photos Courtesy of Website) SHOP

BLACK BOOTS

(Iris's Pick)

COACH

The Lacey boot featuring a chunky ‘90s-inspired lug sole is a best-seller this winter; and an archival buckled strap and a mini hangtag for an iconic Coach touch.

(Photos Courtesy of Website)

SHOP

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

BEBEBARK Designed in Paris

Bebebark is a compact, convertible cork purse that can be worn as a crossbody bag (shoulder bag), as a mini backpack or as a clutch. This handcrafted, sustainable piece combines timeless Parisian elegance and a flattering, classic square proportion with the versatility and functionality that a modern woman requires.

(Photos Courtesy of Website) SHOP

Thin Heel Boots

Design in Stockholm

Soft leather boots with a thin heel and a square-shaped toebox. Inner zipper closure Who doesn't love a heel with blue-jeans?

(Photos Courtesy of Website)

SHOP

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Treat yourself to this fabulous GUCCI INTERLOCKING BUCKLE LEATHER BELT

I was given a gift of this belt in brown swede almost twenty years ago and I still wear it all the time. It lifts any pair of jeans!

CLICK here

(Image taken from website)

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

BEST BEAUTY BUYS THAT REALLY WORK

SHOP HERE ➤

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

CULT BEAUTY HOLIDAY SEASON LIPS

NUXE VERY ROSE LIP BLAM

Having lived in France for a decade I love all things NUXE which is considered the leading pharmacy brand in a competitive market - that's some brand placement! Nuxe’s Very Rose Lip Balm is the answer to all lip-related afflictions — instantly relieving tightness and soothing skin while giving a delicate, rosy glow. This is a miracle in a jar! Treat yourself!

SHOP HERE ➤

NIOD BIO LIP SERUM

GOLD LIP BUTTER BALM

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La Mer is out of the reach of many a beauty afficinado but this lip balm from the same house of cosmetics is a wondrous product using the same technology developed. The Lip Balm feeds lips with intensive moisture for a supple, smooth and plump pout.

SHOP HERE ➤

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

TEAM PICKS

NATURE REPUBLIC FACE MASK

This popular face mask is Aloe extract soothes irritated skin and makes your skin smooth. For those of you who may have dry skin and irritation, this is a wonder to leave on overnight as you sleep. You may frighten the dog or your Partner but hey, cest la vie! Another K-Beauty product that is globally popular. SHOP HERE ➤

INNISFREE FACEMASK

What’s your skin craving? It can change from day to day. That’s why sheet masks have been a Korean skincare go-to for years—the portable packets of goodness can be customized to any shifting daily needs. These little packs are affordable and fabulous in equal measure.

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BARE BY VOGUE

The Ultimate Kit is packed with everything you need for a full body routine, from the Best Selling Dark foam to the coveted Self Tan Eraser. This set also includes the widely adored face tanning mist in medium, and our skin-perfecting instant tan in shade dark. The instant tan is easy to apply and not only evens out skin tone for a silky smooth tan

SHOP HERE ➤

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Another super product by BARE by VOGUE. The Liquid Body Illuminator is a hydrating liquid illuminator for the ultimate sun-kissed glow. The perfect accessory for those shoulders that may be peeping out from your sequins top!

From ZOEVA this Innovative fiber technology for a flawless application: Our Soft-Vegan-Performance™ hair mix brushes effortlessly apply your favorite powder products. Some of my brushes are a health hazard as they have been on my dressing table for a VERY long time. Treat yourself this Christmas!

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For a natural, 5-minute everyday makeup or a sultry, evening look, our Together We Grow Eyeshadow Palette does it all! This all-new vegan palette offers 10 gorgeous shades in a variety of natural, nude, and brown shades. Every eye makeup application will be a delight with the high color payoff from this vegan and super smooth formulation. The Together We Grow Eyeshadow Palette offers everything you need to create your unique looks.

Content: 1 Eyeshadow Palette with 10 Powder Eyeshadow

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

NO BEAUTY PRODUCT HAS YET BEEN INVENTED THAT CAN UNDO THE NIGHT BEFORE OTHER THAN SOBRIETY.

Why is my skin so dry? Because you're a lush. Stop drinking and see how things change.

HOLA SOBER

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Pricey shoe, but the epitome of Punk Couture. It took me a long time to pull the trigger on these but once I did, I bought 2 pair, because the comfort is unmatched! They are my ‘go to’ shoes most days. Fashion lovers ‘know’ the star and the Italian mud these shoes have been dragged through to get the worn look � Low maintenance, but oh so chic and punk!

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Marc Jacobs's bag comes in many sizes and colors, and price ranges. Extremely versatile and most importantly secure, with a top zipper.

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

The ultimate game-changer in the eye business for brightening and smoothing lines. This is another must- have in my eye kit. It is also the perfect sober gold treat or a stocking filler for someone in your life who you love enough to share beauty secrets 😂

My favourite eye mask from Shiseido has to be Wrinkle Resist-24 Pure Retinol Express Smoothing Eye Mask. Quickly "steam press" away the appearance of wrinkles. The perfect sober treat!!

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A unique lip gloss that can create a glass-like finish or a subtle sheen. Designed to be worn on its own, over lip pencil or lipstick, it's the perfect product for creating shine that lasts. It contains jojoba oil to help soften and condition the lips.

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HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Living Proof Full Thickening Mousse is a lightweight mousse with a flexible hold for a long-lasting touchable body and fullness. Now travel size which means our hair looks fabulous when travelling!

Gucci Flora for an extremely feminine but not overpowering smell. It's one that I find perfect for daywear as it's just the right hit of the perfume notes that I like and I don't smell like a garden!

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Burt’s Bees Lip balm, it is the only balm that moisturizers my dry lips during the wintertime, and the taste isn’t too shabby either!

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Single pass curler makes long-lasting, soft curls and goes on sale at Ulta a few times a year SHOP NOW ➤

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

THE TRUTH SKINCARE 101 PRESENTS

UP YOUR SKINCARE GAME BY NOT DRINKING AND BUYING INTO THE BULLSHIT THAT TELLS YOU WINE IS A REWARD. IT IS NOT.

GROW UP AND GET WITH THE PROGRAM

CNh r iasitlms a s

THIS IS POLISH SEASON

BLACK SPLASH

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

SOLITUDE

BY ANN DOWSETT JOHNSTON

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

As we tip into a new year, I always search my calendar for the totemic moment of the past year, scanning the months for the signature image. For me, now approaching 70, this captures it all. Twilight comes early in late August, the end of an unseasonably hot day. Perched at the end of a weathered grey dock, reclining in a lipstick-red wooden chair, feet up on a matching ottoman, I am considering the curious circumstances of my solitude.

Later, there were sunset cruises with boatloads of tall boys and their girlfriends, bottles of beer nestling in the cooler. More popcorn, loud music, more laughter. Still later, there was a man who held my hand on another dock two thousand miles away, who poured me wine at sunset and took me fishing for pickerel, kissing me when I caught a big one. And even more recently, there was a woman, lean and muscular, who led me by the hand into a moonlit pool to skinnydip under a Western sky. Now, they’re all gone: the little boys, the big boys, the man, and yes, the woman. Tonight, it’s just me and my dog, waiting in silence for the heron to emerge. Wondering in this liminal moment: what comes next? If my dad were here, he’d tell me I am sitting on the exposed basement of the continent, remnants of an ancient mountain chain-- rock that has weathered more than 450 million years of erosion. My dad talked like that, math being his first language: it put him at ease. With little or no prodding, he’d pull out his blue pencil, whittled sharp with his trusty pen knife, and launch into a short history of the world. Seas, he’d tell me, once flooded where I now sit. At the bottom of those seas, sediment gathered, morphing into rock—rock older than the stars above. Eventually, glaciers— two miles thick—exposed that bedrock, our beloved pre-Cambrian shield. Glacier melt waters stabilized and formed lakes like this one, a place I call home. For him, it was easier to talk of evolution than of love or damn near anything else. Certainly easier than addressing my mother’s chronic drinking, or his own, for that matter.

Curious—at least—to me.

I am alone, but for the dog at my feet, peering out as I do: past the loon swimming solo in the silky black water, across to a single white pine standing resolute, cresting a warm hulk of pre-Cambrian granite. I love the tree and its bonsai beauty. I love the gray rock that grounds it. I love it here. We are waiting—or at least I am--for the sleek blue heron to make its end-of-day appearance. Any minute now, it will swoop in slow motion from the opposite shore to mine, skimming low over the water with one prehistoric squawk, signaling that day is done. For more than 40 years, I have made the sunset trek to the far end of this dock. Tonight, the sky is merled: purple, pink, and mauve. If my son were here, he might be painting it. But he’s long gone, nesting with his wife and baby daughter in L.A.

Sitting here alone: this is brand new.

In other years, there was no time. Then, there were bright orange life jackets to buckle up over skinny boy bodies, sharp young voices yelling, “Hit it!” Wakeboards rising triumphant in golden light behind the ancient boat. Laughter. Flannel pyjamas. Popcorn, marshmallows, movies.

HOLA SOBER | MADRID

Or why my youthful marriage to a fine man had failed, a fact that deeply puzzled him. Or why I had fallen in love with another man. Or why that second man had left me. For my dad, rocks were just easier. And now he is gone. His arthritic, freckled, knuckled hand, with the sl im metal engineering ring, gripping a pencil mid- diagram, his gray-blue eyes al ight: disappeared. My mother is gone too: her beautiful brow no longer furrowed, wrestling for the right word in Scrabble, struggling to land her “k” on a triple. (At 80, she–ever proper, settled on “Fuck.”) Tonight, I remember them. He, racing his sailboat into a headwind, his whole body thrust backward over the side, legs slim, one fist grabbing the main sheet, the other steering the tiller. She, kneading pastry, her arms dusty with flour, her whole being fragrant with apples. And of course, I remember the boy, the man, and the woman—all who have made their exits. For years, I was so busy with the granular details of boy-raising and career-making, too absorbed with the fullness of life to worry what would happen when the script changed, when the exits came. For decades, my generation crammed each hour the way my mother stuffed cherries in her Christmas cake: jammed to the max. Life zoomed by. We were all that busy, juggling the double agendas of work and home, the first shift, the second shift, and yes, the third. But here I am, someone who has always found her voice and exercised her choice, considering what it means to be a woman of a certain age in an uncertain age. I am considering what it means to be alone.

Twelve years ago, the ground began to shift. Major players began to disappear.

First, my son, off to study in Chicago. This was expected. Then, my lover of 14 years took flight, the man I was to marry. This was not. Six months later, my father, my so-called sober parent, died of end-stage alcoholism. Again, unexpected. Then my wayward and hermetic aunt, the one handcuffed by police and tossed into a psych ward exited as well, barely weeks after we rescued her from the hospital. We bundled her up for a better life. She died three weeks later. A year later, my beloved mother failed: my longtime nemesis turned confidante, travel partner, and intimate friend. Gone. Then, a close cousin, not yet 55; a favourite aunt to Alzheimer’s, and then another one too. A whole generation cleared out, but for one elegant uncle. Grief is a great leveler. We’re told it comes in stages, but that’s too tidy. We’re told that time will work its magic. But no, that’s a myth: time, on its own, won’t heal anything. Patti Smith says that when her husband Fred died, her father told her that time does not heal all wounds, but it gives us the tools to endure them. I hope he’s right. Grief is the price of a full heart. It can take you to your knees, and upend you. When I think of grief, I think of the black-suited surfers trying to ride the waves at sunset in Santa Monica: tumbled and tossed head over heels, into the roiling water, stumbling to find their footing. When the waves roll in, all we can do is aim for grace. And when the script changes, there is no manual. This, we do alone. Of course, the loss can come at any stage. I have three dear friends whose brothers died of childhood

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cancer, another whose sibling died in 9/11; three more whose sons died by suicide. A brilliant friend had a bad bicycle accident when she was 30, a stroke the next day, altering the course of her life forever. I know of a young family of boys who lost their mother on a September afternoon. The mother, who had been walking her dog while her winter tires were being installed, was killed by a driver whose van mounted the sidewalk. The mother had intended to be home when school got out when her three young boys returned.

We all know these stories. The fates can swoop in at any time.

But for most of us, mid-life is the juncture when the ground begins to shift. Between the ages of 49 and 56, I mourned my son’s departure, weathered menopause, fell under the dark spell of a suicidal depression, took a high-profile job in a French-speaking city and developed a serious alcohol addiction, wrestling my way to the other side—only to be hijacked by grief. I am not unusual. For so many of us, mid- life delivers a major reckoning. In a heartbeat, the landscape shifts. Just when we least expect it—in our 50s or 60s—a sturdy, well-shaped life comes to an end, opening the portal for what? Who expected this? Adolescence, yes. Motherhood, yes. Menopause, yes. But a wallop to the solar plexus? I didn’t see it coming. And so tonight, I find myself at the far end of the dock, focused on the horizon, waiting for a blue heron, measuring the depth and breadth of my solitude, haunted by ghosts. Fingering for the first time a question for the ages: what comes next?

Ann Dowsett Johnston is the bestselling author of Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, and the driving force behind Writing Your Recovery and Writing Your Discovery , two popular memoir-writing courses .She is working on her first book of fiction. Click HERE

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STUDENT OF LIFE BY JENNIFER BRIDGMAN

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Life without alcohol seemed dreary and intolerable. Impossible, really. How could I live without the boosts and blurs of booze? I’d accepted that some people could quit drinking and never look back, but this was not me. No one desired or depended on alcohol the way I did. Or so I thought. It turns out, putting down the bottle would be the simpler part—not easier, but simpler. And that’s saying a lot for a woman who’d spent years quietly drinking and shrinking herself into a secret, dark hole at night. But once I’d finally managed to clear my body and mind of alcohol for a substantial length of time, the real work of getting and staying sober began. Emotional sobriety is the long, slow path of self- awareness, acceptance, and accountability. It’s the ability to feel all of one’s feelings without blame, avoidance, or self-destruction. It’s uncovering and dealing with “the thing beneath the thing.” These messages were drilled into me in early sobriety— both directly and indirectly. I’d sat in recovery meetings, nodding along from my folding chair while people spoke of “doing the work.” I’d filled journal after journal with diligent notes and inspiring quotes gleaned from my therapy and intensive outpatient program (IOP) sessions. I’d completed every homework assignment doled out by my sober coach and subscribed to every self-improvement/self- empowerment newsletter I came across. My burgeoning “quit lit” collection soon outgrew my bookcase, and I began swapping out music for recovery podcasts on long solo walks, hikes, and drives. True recovery from alcohol addiction is so much more than putting down the bottle. Everything has to change— at least it did for me. Deep down, I’d known this truth long before I had to own this truth. And this knowing is what kept me stuck in active addiction for years.

I was doing it. I was all in. I finally got it. And yet, not really.

Because in the back of my mind, I was still focused on what lay farther down the road. I strained my eyes for mile markers, wondering how long I’d have to drive before I could loosen my hypervigilant grip on the wheel and take my foot off the gas a bit. I wasn’t comfortable yet traveling without a destination or road map. I wondered when the time would come that I could switch over to cruise control—one year? Five years? Longer? I didn’t know the answer, but I was quite certain that I did not want to be that person, decades into sobriety, who still counted days and attended meetings, and collected chips. Sure, I loved sitting amongst “old timers” and benefitting from their hard-earned wisdom. And yes, I cried and clapped from a genuine place when I heard them speak of what it was like, what happened, and what things were like now. But this was never a vision I had for myself.

“Why are they still coming to so many meetings?” I wondered—secretly, of course.

In early sobriety, I was wrong about so many things. And this way of thinking was no exception.

I am now inching along in my third year of sobriety— feeling worlds apart from that woman who’d once been so utterly ruled by the bottle. Despite all my fears and doubts, I did manage to quit drinking, but I personally will never stop looking back. Remembering is all part of the reawakening. I continue to do all the things, all the time and have zero intention of changing. I used to wish away hours of the day, and now there simply aren’t enough. I still read just as many books, scribble just as many notes, and attend just as many meetings as before— only now my mindset has shifted from “I have to” to “I get to.” These are not tasks to dutifully check off a daily life list; these sacred rituals are my life.

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I discovered modern recovery early on in my sobriety, which too changed everything. It offered a different, non-traditional path with language and messaging that felt revolutionary and empowering. Modern recovery clicked for me—there was no need to mold myself into a framework that didn’t feel quite right. It met me exactly where I was—not someplace I’d hoped to one day reach. Instead of a destination, I’d found a home. Today, my world is teeming with diverse, brilliant, and inspiring friends from around the globe. On the surface, we may not appear to have much in common, but there is nothing surface about these relationships. My recovery circles are not determined by age bracket or sobriety day count or geographical location. We all drank differently, hurt differently, and heal differently. But we’ve found each other through a soul-based connection that transcends all else. A recovery circle is symbiotic in nature: everyone learns and everyone teaches. We are all witnesses and guides. I can connect with someone as deeply on their Day One as I can with someone on their Year Seven. As Brene Brown explains, “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” I think of modern recovery meetings like a potluck dinner—we each bring one dish, but we get to share and savor an entire table’s worth. We exchange recipes on life and nourish one another. All dishes are welcome—whether served on a silver platter or in Tupperware. We do not compare, and we do not judge. We arrive in sequins or sweatpants. We all have a seat at the table.

Connection brings us strength and solidarity, but it also offers perspective. In every meeting, I am reminded of our humanity. I am reminded that every person struggles and triumphs. I am reminded that I matter—we all do—but that staying stuck in my own head is not a good place to be. Oftentimes the best remedy for whatever I’m grappling with is to simply reach out and be a friend to someone else. As I first scrawled in a journal over two years ago, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” There is room at the potluck table for the mother who is grieving a miscarriage as well as the one struggling with an empty nest. There is room at the table for the father who lost his son to addiction as well as the one working through complicated legal issues and custody arrangements. There is room at the table for the woman who has been to three rehabs as well as the one still wondering if her gray-area drinking was really that bad. There is room at the table for the woman completely overwhelmed by the holiday season and the one preparing to spend it alone. Today I am a student of life and myself. From my seat at the table, I’ve witnessed others with more life experience than me walk through storms and fires with dignity and grace. And you can bet I’ve been taking notes. Without my addiction, I never would have been granted the gift of this seat at the recovery table. The concept of forever doesn’t scare me the way it once had in early sobriety. Because I see now that the “work” of recovery is not some permanent, exhausting job to avoid and repair the damage. It’s an invitation to a better life. Today my life is less about running from the monster than it is running toward the magic. And I have no plans to stop.

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YOU ARE INVITED TO A

Sober Christmas

Free entry

NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY.

JANEY LEE GRACE

You may have heard the podcast interview Susan and I did together on how to prep to boss your Sober Christmas. It is an interesting time, even if you have been sober for a while, old triggers can pop up, the stories we used to tell ourselves, the ‘associations’ around Christmas and alcohol. If family and friends are all locked to the booze it’s even harder to stay committed to our own decisions.

the role of the ‘perfect hostess’ or the ‘fun mum’, chief cook and bottle washer, before ending up frazzled and exhausted. This year. take the time to notice what you want, and how you want this Christmas period to be for you. When you are sober, you can be authentic and value yourself and your needs. You can, with compassion, tell others what you need, set boundaries, and if necessary - literally butt out. Sometimes it’s an act of self-care to simply say NO.

We can also find ourselves trying to step into new identities or attempting to play

THE SOBER CLUB WITH JANEY LEE GRACE

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It’s super important to identify the triggers that may come up for you, Do you always have a certain drink as you put up the Christmas tree? Is it tradition to have Sherry with the Queens’ speech? Don’t allow the wine witch to creep in, making you feel ‘left out’. You are not missing out on anything by not drinking – (well only the hangover), and you are gaining the ability to be fully ‘Present’ Try a ‘WOOP’ for your Christmas and New Year: W stands for WISH, – What do you want this Christmas to be like? O stands for OUTCOME - What will it really look like if you get the wish, i.e. in detail what do you want to happen? O stands for OBSTACLE – Realistically what might get in the way, or trip you up? P stands for PLAN – How can you plan to ensure that you will succeed, what can you put in place? What support do you need?

Keep the ritual, change the ingredients!

HOLA SOBER DECEMBER

Use any cheap alcohol free red wine, add a sachet of mulled wine spices, an orange with cloves studded through, and a teaspoon of coconut sugar, a cinnamon stick, and orange juice to taste. You could also add a dash of Lyres

Alcohol Free Mulled Wine

Italian Orange – yum! For a fancier version:

INGREDIENTS 1 bottle of AF red wine 400 ml Orange juice 200ml Cranberry juice 1 stick of Cinnamon 3 Star Anise 10 Pink Peppercorns

100 g dark brown soft sugar or Coconut sugar 1 Orange studded with Cloves (about 15 cloves) 1 teaspoon Ginger powder ½ teaspoon ground Nutmeg (freshly grated if possible) METHOD

By Janey Lee Grace The Sober Club

Pour red wine, Orange juice, Cranberry juice into a pan Stud a small Orange with Cloves and add to the pan Add all other ingredients and mix well. Gently bring the liquid to the boil and simmer for about 10-15 mins. SERVE!!! Remember its AF so can be enjoyed anytime! Garnish with a slice of Orange or a few Pink Peppercorns! If pouring into a glass, put a metal spoon in the glass first to stop the glass breaking!

Focus on having a wonderful alcohol free Christmas, stay connected!

Janey's December Pick

Handmade Naturals Facecare gift set for dry and mature skin. Check out these 100% natural handmade skin & hair care products Every single ingredient is either found directly in nature or derived from nature’s herbs, fruits, or vegetables and is of beneficial value to the body and skin, and has had the least amount of processing without the use of chemicals, solvents, toxins, or synthetic preservatives.

Treat yourself or a girlfriend to this giftset

Choose a Plum & Avocado Cleanser high in amino acids, vitamins A, B1, B2, D, and E, and oleic and linoleic acid, which help renew the complexion and help maintain healthy skin. Bulgarian Rose Face Toner, which is pure and unadulterated, organic and perfect for sensitive skin. The Replenishing Face Cream promotes skin elasticity, which will leave skin feeling velvety soft.

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by Beth MT

by Beth Mt

HORMONES + ALCOHOL . I can remember my husband questioning me as to why I had bought wine to drink when I had been doing so well and had been so happy in my sobriety. My response was always, ‘I need to feel better’. Of course, the next day, I would not feel better at all. I would be disappointed that I had drank again, my anxiety would be ten times worse, and I would be feeling even lower than I was the day before. Just before ovulation, progesterone, and oestrogen hormone levels spike. If there is no pregnancy, then the levels drop. This rise and fall of hormones are thought to lower the serotonin levels in the brain, which can lead to depression and anxiety. Some women are also very sensitive to hormonal changes, which again can lead to PMS symptoms.

Issues with my hormones are one of the main reasons I struggled to stop drinking. I could be feeling happy and relaxed, managing to abstain then BAM! PMS would strike. Unfortunately, I can become extremely low due to hormones. It leads me to want to isolate away from everyone, I can become very depressed and anxious and the future as I see it at that time can only be described as ‘dark’. I become exhausted and have a constant knot in my stomach, which leads me to feel quite desperate and in need of an escape. Alcohol is sold to us in the media as a way of feeling better. We are also brought up to believe that alcohol can cure all ills, so when the PMS cloud would strike, I would find it almost impossible not to believe that drinking alcohol would be an excellent way to escape my feelings.

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Analyzing 19 previously published studies of alcohol and PMS, researchers found that risk for PMS risk was 45% higher in women who reported drinking than in non-drinkers. Women who were heavy drinkers, drinking more than one drink per day) were 79% more likely to have PMS than non- drinkers - Ruta Nonacs, MD PhD It's a vicious cycle, several studies have shown that PMS is linked with increased use of alcohol and increased use of alcohol can increase the symptoms of PMS. So, drinking for a sustained amount of time was making me worse, but the feelings brought on by PMS were making me feel like I had no choice but to drink. It was a very hard merry-go-round to get off. I was also very worried about sitting with my feelings and having no way out. At the back of my mind, I thought that I needed that escape route. But at the same time, I was also desperate to stop drinking, it was a miserable way to live in all honesty. The help available from health care providers was useless and my feelings of desperation were just getting worse. And being women, we are brought up to believe that we should just put up with, ‘women’s issues’ so I just accepted that I needed to put up with it and gain relief by self-medicating. Really, I needed to fight for help with my issue, but my self-esteem, because I was drinking, was so low and I really didn’t like myself at all. This made me unable to fight for myself. I didn’t think I deserved help Hormones rule every aspect of our lives and if we are even slightly off, they will affect how we think and feel. In sober circles, I was surprised to hear how many of the women did not start problem drinking until they hit their fifties. I do not think that it can be a coincidence that this is also the age that most women start to experience menopause. Menopause has many symptoms including, hot sweats, mood swings, insomnia, frequent urination, and anxiety depression to name but a few. This can lead to women feeling very isolated and alone and of course, the need to escape is strong.

Sadly, alcohol is not the best idea as it is known to exacerbate these symptoms. I was terrified of how menopause would affect me when it happened, I was already perimenopausal, I was sure. In the end, I had to bite the bullet and decide that no matter how my hormones were making me feel, I needed to stop using alcohol as a way of coping with that time of the month. The first month was torture. I was desperate to go back to my old coping mechanism, but by this point, I was talking to Hola Sober, so I was able to read the daily emails and say to a sober friend that I was not okay. It was still hard, but I managed to feel a little better. The longer I was sober, the more my self-esteem and self-worth rose. And this gave me the confidence to fight for my right to be taken seriously. I went to my doctor and told them I couldn’t accept that my feelings were normal, and I wanted to be referred to a gynecologist. My doctor agreed and after a bit of a battle I finally got some help, and I am on the waiting list for more help. Had I still been drinking I believe that I would still be stuck in that vicious cycle. Things aren’t perfect, I didn’t expect it to be, but I am not making my situation worse by adding alcohol to the mix anymore. I would say to any Woman reading this, that you don’t ever have to put up with things because they are a ‘woman’s issue’. There is lots of help there now. But the very first thing that you can do to help yourself is to stay sober. Alcohol gives you a short release for a very short amount of time but the negative repercussions last much longer.

Happy Holidays Everyone, Love Beth xxx

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