THE UNDERDOG ADVANTAGE
The Underdog Advantage
REWRITE YOUR FUTURE BY TURNING YOUR DISADVANTAGES INTO YOUR SUPERPOWERS
DEAN GRAZIOS I
Copyright © 2019 by Dean Graziosi
BBG Publishing books are available at special discounts for bulk pur- chases in the US by corporations, institutions and other organizations at BBGPublishing.com. For more information please contact BBG Publishing through email at books@BBGPublishing.com All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, elec- tronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher and author, Dean Graziosi. Printed in the United States of America. Catalog-in-Publication Data for this book is available from the Library of Congress.
ISBN 978-0-578-56846-1 Hardcover 978-1-7334981-0-4 Audiobook 978-1-7334981-1-1 Ebook
To everyone who ever felt like they were dealt a tough hand, thought of giving up, considered settling for an “ok” life—but still keeps pushing forward even when others and that inner voice say “enough.” Your next level lives on the other side of one of those obstacles. So keep climbing. And to my wife Lisa, and my children, Breana and Brody, thank you for loving me the way you do. You inspire me to be a better man every day. My love for you has transcended anything I could have ever imagined. If all else were gone, I’d still be the wealthiest man alive because of you.
Contents
9
Introduction: The Underdog Advantage
33
1. Underdogs Have Nothing to Lose
57
2. Underdogs Can Use “The Power of You Can’t”
81
3. Underdogs Act Fast and Improve Quickly
103
4. Underdogs Are Relentlessly Resourceful
131
5. Underdogs Self-Educate
6. Underdogs Don’t Have to Care What Other People Think 163
189
7. Underdogs Turn Desperation into Persuasion
211
Conclusion
I N T R OD U C T I ON
The Underdog Advantage
I should be drinking tea, eating crumpets, driving on the wrong side of the road, and bowing to the Queen.
You know why I’m not?
Because of an underdog.
One single person, a man who was an underdog his whole life, leading a group of men who were underestimated and dismissed, found a way to win a war against the biggest, baddest military machine the world had ever known.
You know who I’m talking about: George Washington, the father of America, of course.
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I thought I knew the story. I mean, we learn it in elementary school, right? GeorgeWashington chopped down a cherry tree and told the truth about it, then he beat the British, formed a new nation, and became President. That’s about what I remembered from school (I wasn’t a very good stu- dent if you can’t tell). But I didn’t realize how amazing the actual story of George Washington was. And when I read about it, it hit me that this is the story of every struggling underdog—like I have been most of my life, and you probably are too. In fact, if you see yourself as an underdog, I think the story of George Washington and the founding of America ismaybe themost important story you will ever hear.
You know why? It’s because of how he won.
He won because he was an underdog.
How could that be? How could being an underdog lead to victory? Don’t you want to be the favorite, the one destined for greatness? The one with all the advantages and all the people behind you? Well…what if I told you that being an underdog could actually be one of the greatest unfair advantages of your life?
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You see, underdogs have certain traits they can turn into superpowers when used correctly. And in fact, when viewed properly, I think being an underdog is the best advantage you can have in life, and has been the key to all the success I’ve had in my life. But before I tell you why being an underdog could actually be the rocket fuel for your next-level-of-life launch, I’m going to tell you the part of GeorgeWashington’s story you probably don’t know… THE UNDERDOG’S HISTORY OF THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR GeorgeWashingtonwas born inAmerica to awell-off family. But that’s pretty much where his advantages stopped. He was the fourth son of his father, so by the time he was old enough for school, there was nomoney left to send him. He had to learn everything on his own, at home, without a teacher. That seems pretty bad, right? Actually he turned it into an advantage. Not going to school allowed him to focus exclusively on the subjects he liked, and he self-taught andmastered fields likemath, surveying, draftsmanship, andmap-making. This led to himbecoming the youngest surveyor in Virginia and allowed him to find
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and buy the best frontier lands before others even knew they existed.
He learned early on how to use one of the main underdog advantages: turning what most people would consider the anchor holding him back into the wind behind his sail. Changing the disadvantage into an advantage. He was eventually made a Major in the Virginia Regiment (which was a colonial army that the British organized and supplied). His British superior officers didn’t give him the same level of respect as they did the British-born enlisted men. They paid him far less money and gave him the left- over supplies. He could feel themmaking fun of himbehind his back and he wasn’t paranoid, they truly looked down on him. Did this bother him? Heck yes. But he didn’t let it bring himdown, in fact, he used it as fire to drive himmore. Once again—he used a disadvantage to his advantage and let the bad treatment motivate himand his troops on a level most people could never comprehend. What resulted from this disrespectful treatment was grow- ing success, even though he got the toughest and worst missions, the ones no one else wanted. In one battle, even though he literally was sick with dysentery, he organized a rearguard action that allowed another general’s army to escape and avoid being captured. He had two horses shot
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out fromunder himand had bullet holes in his hat and coat. His heroismand leadership gained acclaim throughout the colonies and Europe. He turned their disrespect for him intomotivation for him- self and his men, which resulted in respect frompeople all over the world. Talk about using his underdog advantages! It gets better, way better. Washington used the land he bought (plus his marriage to a wealthy widow) to become a successful planter. He was elected as a burgess, mean- ing he was a part of the representatives of the Colonies underneath the King of England. Here again, he was always looked down upon because he wasn’t British born. And of course, England totally disrespected America by taxing themwith no representation, and ignoring all the demands of the colonies. I won’t go over Paul Revere’s ride, and the Declaration of Independence, and the start of the war, and all that. You probably know that, because that’s the cool stuff taught in most classrooms. What I want to focus on here are two events that defined George Washington and showed how much of an underdog he was—and how he used it to win.
Thewar starts. The Americans kick the British out of Boston in the Boston Tea Party, and now the British are pissed. The
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King of England doesn’t want to play games anymore, he wants to come and show the uppity colonists who’s boss. They decide to come for NewYork City. Washington assem- bles about 7,500 troops to fortify it. Now you gotta understand, those 7,500men, most of them didn’t have shoes. They didn’t have uniforms. They didn’t have enough gun powder. They weren’t trained. They were anywhere fromfifteen to sixty years old. Basically a bunch of farmers with guns and knives. Some even had spears and bows and arrows! England sends 30,000 soldiers; 10,000 of those are hired guns. They’re Hessians fromGermany, which are not only amazing fighters, they’re pretty much ruthless. Like, they are the type that would rather bayonet you in the face than capture you, just for fun. So you have the most ragtag bunch of soldiers that existed on the planet at that time, and they’re going up against the greatest military force in the world. Trained and battle-hardened, with guns and ammunition and master strategists, and experienced generals.
So what happens? Do the underdogs win?
NO!
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They get their asses kicked!
The British beat the Americans at every level. They lost New York. They lost Brooklyn. Then they lost Long Island. Then they lost Fort Washington. And then they lost Fort Lee in New Jersey. They couldn’t even hold New Jersey! Washington barely escapes with like, 5,500 troops of the original 7,500. They’re pushed out, now they’re running across New Jersey. Tired, beaten, no shelter, shoes on only 50 percent of them, minimal ammunition, and worst of all they are out of food. They’re retreating in the snow and there’s blood trails from people with no socks on. They’re literally sleeping under leaves. As you would imagine, a lot of soldiers start deserting. The British government at that time would give people pardons. If you bail out of the Revolutionary Army, they give you a pardon and somemoney. So people were running nonstop, and his army dwindles more. At this time, everybody’s starting to criticize Washington. Congress is starting to question all his decisions. His top generals are like, “GeorgeWashington doesn’t knowwhat he’s doing.”
So think about all that piled up, one thing on top of
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another. Congress isn’t feeling it, people are deserting the army, every obstacle possible piled up against them and the strongest army in the world ready to hunt them down and finish them off. And even worse, people are turning against them in each little city, giving information back to the British army on where they are and where they’re going. I mean, I didn’t learn any of this in school. I couldn’t believe how bad it got for him, and I honestly couldn’t see any way out for Washington and his army. When I read about this, I thought to myself, “Zero chance that he can win this.” I know how the story ends, and I live in a Free AMERICA and I still thought this!! But Washington had something that the British didn’t have. They had always been the privileged, the British were the biggest empire the world had ever seen. They had been the opposite of an underdog for as long as anyone alive could remember. But Washington had been told he was nothing his whole life by the British. He was passed over for promotion by the British Army because he wasn’t a “professional” general. He didn’t have the pedigree of being born in England. He didn’t have the king’s support. He only had half of Ameri- ca’s support. His ownmother was ruthless to him. He didn’t
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have the money. He didn’t have any of it. Nothing. The ULTIMATE UNDERDOG.
What no one could see from the outside was that he had a burning inner desire to prove something to himself and those that doubted him. He was tired of being told he wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t from the right family, he didn’t have the right accent, he wasn’t from the right schools. He was tired of being passed over by people he was better than. He wanted the freedom to be who he was, and he used that as motivation, for himself and his men. He felt like everyone was against him, and he found a way to turn his underdog disadvantages into his underdog advantages. Since he didn’t have unlimited resources, he found a way to be resourceful. He found a way to be innovative.
He used this feeling as motivation to find a way forward. And the British never saw him coming.
Washington decides to do what they would least expect: attack on Christmas morning.
And not only that, the only way this is possible is for him to take his entire army across the Delaware River.
You have to understand, this was nuts. It was one of the worst winters ever. There were icebergs on the river!! No
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one wanted to be outside. The British assumed that Wash- ington would stay on his side of the river and wait until it was warm to resume fighting, because that’s what they were going to do. And beyond that, the closest army to him was the Hessians, who already whipped his rag-tag group of farmers in New York City. The Hessians thought they would never have the nerve to cross a frozen river on Christmas with thousands of men, so they partied all night. They drank and they were festive and lazy with their guards. He knows he has to go for it. And he writes down on a piece of paper, before he plans this attack, where he’s outnum- bered, outgunned, and outmanned, he writes “Victory or Death.” And on Christmas Eve at midnight, he starts crossing the frozenDelaware River. And he’s got thousands of men that need to cross before morning. Cannons, horses. It’s snow- ing. It’s raining. The wind is blowing. Everything seems to be working against him. So what does he do?
But he’s not going to stop. He’s got that power in him. The power that comes from resisting all those people telling him
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he can’t do it. He’s a joke, he’s just some bumpkin farmer. He’ll never beat the British.
He eventually crosses his army. Everyone gets across by 4:00 in themorning and theymarch on the Hessians. They take themcompletely by surprise and capturemost of them, along with their supplies, in less than an hour. After that first victory George Washington has against the British Empire on Christmas Day, he crosses another time and sneak-attacks the British again at Princeton on January 3, where they kill a British general and force a larger army to retreat.
They had defeated the world’s best army twice in a week!!
That was the shift of the American Revolution. We all know what happens from there.
WHAT IS BEING AN UNDERDOG ACTUALLY LIKE? Have you ever felt like an underdog?
When I say Underdog, I don’t mean your life has to be tragic and you’re living on the streets. It just feels like a few (or many) cards are stacked against you and if you could just get them out of the way, you could soar. You
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could unleash that next-level version of you to the world, only if…
But what if you were actually given gifts, wrapped inside what you think is a disadvantage? What if once you knew how to unlock it, you could have a superpower like Wash- ington and so many others? What if by the endof this bookyouwere actually grateful for all the shit that’shappenedor currentlyhappening inyour life, because itwas designedperfectly for your future greatness? My writing style is simple and to the point. I write as I talk, and together we are going to fuel your next level of income, growth, happiness, confidence, and abundance by using the gifts you already have. We just need to help you unwrap them. Then give you the implementation process to make your next level real.
So let me ask you this. Have you ever felt like no one had faith in you? That no one backed you or supported you?
Maybe you feel stuck in your life? It doesn’t look bad from the outside but you feel like a prisoner trapped inmediocrity.
Ever felt like others look down on you or think your goals are pipe dreams?
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Maybe you made some bad decisions. Maybe you didn’t really understand what you were up against.
You ever feel like you missed your chance? That no matter what you do, nothing ever moves you forward and you’re spinning your wheels? You ever feel like so many things in your life are a disad- vantage? That nomatter what happens, it always somehow ends up not working out in your favor? Maybe you feel like the world is not designed for you—that it’s made for the privileged, the winners, the ones who already possess all the advantages.
Well…what about George Washington?
Even though he is so respected now, George Washington started out as the quintessential underdog.
It’s easy to look back on that now and dismiss this. I mean, George Washington is the Father of America, what’s that got to do with you?
The fact is, he was a huge underdog. He was facing terrible odds.
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But all he did was figure out how to use the advantages of being an underdog to propel himself forward and actually win.
If you are still skeptical, I get it. I came from where you came from.
I grew up in a small town of about 6,000 people in upstate New York. It seemed like everyone had something going for them but me, and it sucked.
This is who I was growing up:
I was short.
I had goofy teeth.
I was 4′ 9″ and ninety pounds going into tenth grade and the only one in my class who hadn’t reached puberty yet. That was a lot of fun.
My parents had nomoney, no social standing, nothing. Just hardworking people trying to survive.
My parents got divorced when I was three. Lived with my Grandmother a lot, then at my Mom and new Stepdad’s, and thenmoved in withmy Dad when I was twelve. When
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I moved in with him, we lived in the bathroomof his house for the first six months or so since it was small enough to heat with an electric heater. There was no heat in the rest of the house yet. I had a learning disability. I could barely read at all until sixth grade, and was in various special ed classes all the way through high school. And I have fondmemories of Miss Thompson callingme stupid on a regular basis as she would say through her clenched teeth, “Just sound it out.”
I never went to college. I couldn’t even get into college.
I got divorced.
I finally started to gain momentum and lost all my money three different times because of plain old stupid decisions and being naive. I’ve got waymore stories about howmessed upmy life has been at various times—don’t worry, you will read them all in hilarious and gory detail throughout the book. Yet here I am…I’m married to the woman of my dreams, I live in the house of my dreams, I am a dedicated father to two amazing kids, and I get to spendmy days helping other people realize their dreams.
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How did I go from being such an underdog to that life?
I did the same basic thing that George Washington did:
I utilized the Underdog Advantages; I flippedmy disadvan- tages into advantages, and used them to prove everyone wrong, not be left behind, and to squeeze out all the juice life has to offer.
WHAT IS AN UNDERDOG ADVANTAGE? What if the outside world, and even your inner-self voice of doubt, has been lying to you since day one?
What if everything you thought was a disadvantage, was actually an advantage?
What if the things you thought were holding you back were actually superpowers—if only you saw them that way?
What if youwere actually in a great position, and one or two small shifts could unlock the animal inside of you?
What if, by flipping the success switch to “On,” by changing the framework on how you see things, you could unlock limitless potential, income, and abundance?
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I know, I know, this sounds like a sales pitch. But this is exactly how I turnedmy life around, and I am so passionate about this stuff. I discovered all of this by accident, and once I got it, I made it my life’s mission to teach it to others. Ultimately, I believe that the idea behind the American Dream is the underdog story, where anyone, nomatter how poor or weak or disadvantaged or where they live, can use what they do have to achieve victory. That’s what this book is about: There aremany different parts of the Underdog Advantage. Here is a list of what I will teach in this book. Many of them are similar, and somemay or may not apply to you. I’mnot saying this list is exhaustive either, in fact, you can probably think of more if you really tried. What I did was think of all the Underdog Advantages I could, and then I organized them into chapters around the biggest ones, the ones that I seemoving the needle toward success the most in my life and the lives of other people. I want to teach you about the Underdog Advantage, and how to use it in your life.
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CHAPTER 1: UNDERDOGS HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE The privileged are expected to win, but underdogs have nothing to lose and can compete without fear of loss. Underdogs have no one to impress, no expectations tomeet, and nowhere to go but up, which takes all the pressure off of them. CHAPTER 2: UNDERDOGS CAN USE “THE POWER OF YOU CAN’T” The privileged may have already reached their goals and can struggle with remainingmotivated, but underdogs can find motivation everywhere, and use it to their advantage. Underdogs have desperation and heartbreak that they can use as fuel to create action. And of course, Underdogs can use the “Power of You Can’t”motivation. There is a reason they say in sports, it’s the “Nobody believes in us” phrase that empowers victory over all else. CHAPTER 3: UNDERDOGS ACT FAST AND IMPROVE QUICKLY The privileged have to plan their actions carefully, but underdogs can take action immediately, and get momen- tum. Underdogs can also do more of what works and less of what doesn’t, can focus on progress over perfection, and don’t need to worry about getting everything right. Under-
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dogs can easily get momentum, and then use it to rocket past people.
CHAPTER 4: UNDERDOGS ARE RELENTLESSLY RESOURCEFUL
The privileged are always being watched and have to follow the rules, but underdogs can operate on the margins, out- side of view, without having to get permission. They can take more risks and go after bigger problems, with the knowledge that they aren’t big or important enough to be stopped or restricted. CHAPTER 5: UNDERDOGS CAN SELF-EDUCATE The privileged have to pretend they know everything, but underdogs can admit they don’t know things. This allows Underdogs to go get the help they need, use alternative learning strategies and take uncommon action to achieve their goals. CHAPTER 6: UNDERDOGS DON’T HAVE TO CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK The privileged have to make everyone happy, but under- dogs don’t have to be concerned with what others think. They can grow in peace because no one is watching them
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and they are free to fail without much consequence. Under- dogs can work on themselves without distraction, and because they are out of the spotlight, can see who their real friends are. Underdogs can find and utilize new ideas as well, without worrying about looking weird. CHAPTER 7: UNDERDOGS CAN TURN DESPERATION INTO PERSUASION The privileged don’t need to be especially motivated, because they already have their status and their position. They aren’t as hungry or desperate anymore. This might seem like an advantage, but it’s not—because desperation is the very best fuel for persuasion. Andwithout persuasion, nothing happens. WHAT THIS BOOK IS NOT Before we jump in, I want to be clear about what this book is not. It is NOT: • A way to easily make money without doing any work • A quick fix • A few tips and tricks • Something to read once and forget about
I’m sure you know that, but sometimes people get a little
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excited and expect things that are unrealistic. I like to manage expectations and to make sure going in that you really know what this is and what you can get. To be clear, The Underdog Advantage is an entirely newway to look at your life, especially if you feel like an underdog and have not yet achieved what you desire out of life. I’mnot going to help you recreate yourself or become some- one new. I believe you already have this power in you. All I want to do is help you see it, unlock it, embrace it, and then give you the tools to get your rocket ship off the ground.
I’ve been an underdog my whole life. Even now, when I have so much going for me, I still feel like an underdog.
In fact, I make sure to KEEP the underdog mindset.
Why would I keep that mindset, when I am so clearly and objectively NOT an underdog anymore?
Because that mindset is such a big advantage.
Underdogs have to be innovative. They have to be creative, because they don’t have all the assets somebody else has.
Underdogs have a passion to prove themselves.
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Underdogs are people that you never see coming.
Underdogs are always underestimated.
Underdogs can harness the power that comes frompeople telling them they can’t.
What if being an underdog was your gift. What if it was actu- allymeant to be your journey. It was there to provide you the difficulties you needed to sharpen your tools and become the person you needed to become. What if your problems were actually the catapult to put you above the rest? History is a great teacher of what’s possible. Think about George Washington, or read any history book, look back at the people that have changed the world, have changed the legacy for their families—because they didn’t give in. At some point in all of our lives we’ve all felt like no one was in our corner. That it was too hard to start the business. That people have already done what you want to do. That it’s the wrong timing. It’s the wrong government. You come from the wrong pedigree. Your parents don’t support you. Your husband, your wife stands in your way.
You have an underdog story. I havemy own. We all feel like we’re an underdog in some way, shape, or form.
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We can use that as our anchor and say, “Poor me. I wasn’t born with the right things. No one supports me. I don’t have the money.” Whether that’s from your family, your financial situation, where you live, what you do for a living, your education, your supposed capabilities, knowledge, and expertise, we all feel it.
I know you’ve felt that way. I know because I’ve felt that way. Hell, I STILL feel that way at times.
Let me warn you: you might get offended by some of the ways I challenge you in this book.
And I don’t doubt that many of youmight be going through some tough times as you read this.
But when I think about people like George Washington and read stories like the ones that are coming—about famous people you know, and average people just like you, who have used these techniques—when I read the stories in which they had so much worse things against them, it motivates me. They had so many obstacles in front of them. But they turned their disadvantages into advantages. They made an impact. And when they had the big machine against them, they won.
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And I want you to win.
This book is the way.
Let’s get started.
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C H A P T E R 1
Underdogs Have Nothing to Lose
I was full-on crying—I’m talking about heaving, ugly, sob- bing, hyperventilating crying—I was twenty-six years old and I thought I’d peaked. I was sitting on the floor Indian style, rocking back and forth, looking out the window of my hotel roomdown onto the Sunset Strip in Hollywood, California. Only two hours earlier, I’d agreed in principle to a deal with two of the biggest stars in the world to help them create a ground-breaking newwebsite, back in the early days of the internet (1994). I’d come from nowhere, with no chance to get it, and I got the deal. It was the ultimate underdog triumph.
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I left the meeting and drove around Sunset Boulevard in a rented convertible, the sun on my face, and I was feel- ing so fulfilled and totally high on life. I’d arrived. I was in Hollywood, and I found a next-level piece of significance that I craved.
So why was I crying like a six-year-old who had lost their favorite blanket or stuffed animal?
I lost the deal, and with it, the importance and the signifi- cance I’d gotten from it. I thought this was going to be the catapult to get me out of my little town, to be something bigger, and just like that it was gone. I reached for that brass ring, and I thought I had it…only to have it ripped away fromme. Here’s the thing with this story: I didn’t eventually get the deal. I never found a way tomake it work. I just failed, and I cried, and that’s it. Or was it? You see: I didn’t actually lose anything. In fact, looking back at that failure (or tragedy as I perceived it), I now see it was actually designed specifically for me. Maybe a test to see if I was worthy of a next-level life, or to build my success muscle.
And learning that changed my whole life.
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 35
THE PRIVILEGED ARE EXPECTED TO WIN Everyone looks at those with the cards stacked in their favor and expects them to win. If anything it’s a letdown if they don’t win. That’s what makes them privileged after all—they’re the ones who are supposed to win all the time. They are the favorites. But underdogs, no one expects anything from them. If they lose, so what? They were supposed to lose. They didn’t have a shot anyway. When you look at this from the outside, it’s kind of depress- ing. That tall, handsome, tan, good-looking, rich guy, who wins everything—why does he need more? Why does he need to win again? Can’t he take a few rounds off, give me a chance? I mean, it seems like he has all the advantages, right? And once someone has a lead like that, where do they go? It seems like they never lose. It seems like they keep winning forever.
Wouldn’t that be great, to be the big shot, to be expected to win, and just cruise to victory every time?
But lemme ask you: is that how it really works? Do the priv- ileged actually just cruise to victory?
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Yeah, I guess, sometimes.
But here’s the thing you aren’t seeing: that the one with the “so-called” advantages has to win . All the pressure is on her. If she doesn’t win, it’s a huge letdown. Everyone is mad at her. She goes from the hero to the pariah. That’s a lot of pressure. In fact, that’s why it’s so hard to repeat as a champion at sports. The first time, you had noth- ing to lose. But once you are the champion, all you can do is have it taken from you. Keeping it is twice as hard, and you are half as motivated. I don’t know about you, but inmy life when I become privi- leged in a certain area of life, it’s been amajor disadvantage. I get complacent and less motivated without even thinking about it, I stop working as hard. I expect to win, and yet, there’s more pressure to win. It’s why I work daily to keep the underdog mindset. It can be infuriating. This is why it’s so common in sports for good teams to take the slightest hint of disrespect as a major insult, and blow it out of proportion. You’ll hear themon Sportscenter, “No one believes in us!” they shout, as thousands of people cheer them on in the background.
Why?
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 37
To keep themselves from the expectation of winning. This is their subconscious at work here because they do not truly understandwhat you are about, and how youwill want, and even fight for, an underdog mindset for life. GOING TO HOLLYWOOD Around the start of the Internet boom, 1993 or so, a friend and I started a website that got some traction. You know all those Instagrammeme and joke accounts? It was basically that before smartphones. We had funny and gross videos, all of that stuff. We’d charge people $19 amonth for access and people loved it. One day I was inmy collision repair office (yes, I fixed cars and ran an internet site from the same place) and I got this email from a name I recognized: Tommy Lee. Yeah, it was that Tommy Lee. The drummer from Motley Crue. He was a subscriber, loved the site, and sent me a message:
“This site is cool as shit man. Keep sending me stuff!!”
I had to pinchmyself, Tommy Lee sent me an email!! In the 80s and 90sMotley Crue was the shit…so this was like, the greatest thing ever for me.
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Before I had time to think about it, I wrote a response:
“Hey, Tommy this is Dean, cool that you joined. Been a fan of Motley Crue for a long time.
Yo man, internet pay-per-view is going to be the biggest thing in the world. We should build a website around you and Pamela [ed note: He was married to Pamela Ander- son at the time] where you and she do unique things (not porn), and just show your crazy life behind the scenes, and then sell it to people on a monthly basis. I bet people would pay at least $19 a month, probably more. Just an idea man, hit me back if you are interested in talking more about it.”
I was about to hit send…and immediately felt sick to my stomach.
I mean, who was I to be talking business with one of the biggest rock stars in the world? What the hell did I know?
Then I thought about it for a second. I was a pretty success- ful businessman at this point, I had some resources, and I knew some things. Maybe not at his level, but hey, I wasn’t a bum living on the street. And Tommy was paying for my service, and he did sendme an email first. OK, maybe this wasn’t totally out of line.
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 39
Then my emotions swung back the other way.
I’m fooling myself. I have this piddly little website, and here I am trying to do a deal with Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson? (At that time Pamela was the hottest thing since Marilyn Monroe) He’s going to laugh at me and call me an idiot, just like the popular kids in high school did. And I’ll deserve it. I worked on cars—who did I think I was?
I was about to hit delete…and I stopped again. I thought to myself: What’s the worst that could happen?
What was Tommy going to do? Not invite me to the Holly- wood parties I wasn’t even invited to anyway? Tell me to screw off and laugh at me?
It hit me: I had nothing to lose. Worst case, I was just exactly who I was at that moment.
So I hit send.
I got up frommy desk, let out a huge exhale, and honestly…I felt good about myself. Yeah, he’d probably dismiss me, but so what? I was working in my little collision shop in my small town and talking back and forth to Tommy Lee—that was cool as hell, even if nothing came of it.
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I tookmy shot. If nothing happened, so be it. At least I tried.
I went to get an iced tea, sat back down at my desk…and Tommy had already responded:
“Holy fuck, this is an amazing idea. Send me a proposal, here’s my attorney’s contact info, send it to him, too, let’s talk.”
Holy fuck is right! What do I do now?
All the calm I’d had about trying my best and not caring if he dismissed me, that stuff went right out the window. I got super anxious—now I had to write a business proposal? How the hell do I do that? I pounded my iced tea, brain dumped my idea in a Word doc, and sent it right away to himand his attorney, without hardly even thinking about it. I was too nervous. I knew if I thought about it, I’d never send it.
The next day, I got a call:
“Dean, this is David Rudick, I’m Tommy Lee’s attorney. How’d you come up with something so ingenious?”
I can’t even remember what I told him, or the rest of the
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 41
conversation, I was such a nervous wreck. There I was, a nothing with dirt under my nails, talking to one of themost famous attorneys in Hollywood. But I do remember this part of the conversation:
“Dean, I want you to fly out to LA, can you swing that? Let’s talk about this in person, and get it moving ASAP.”
I had cars to fix, houses to remodel, and all the rest but I canceled all of it. I just said “screw it” and went all in.
Tommy was emailing me every day, David I were talking on the phone constantly, and both were really nice tome. I got someone to helpme create a formal business plan, and made sure it had all the different parts of a plan, the charts and graphs and our splits, and howwe would run it, and all of that. I finished it and FedExed it to Tommy and David. Then I got on a plane to LA to see David. His office was right on Sunset Boulevard, and I knewDavid was a famous attorney, but I had no idea just how famous he was. His office was covered inmemorabilia and pictures of himwith all kinds of super famous people. I had gotten lost in the work before getting to LA, so I didn’t have time to feel anxiety then. But as I stared at pictures of the most famous people on earth, all with this lawyer I
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was about tomeet, all that anxiety came back. I was still 26 at that point, feeling insecure and really out of my league.
Eventually the receptionist toldme David was ready to see me. I walked into his office, and he was just as nice as he was on the phone.
“Dean, I have to tell you, this is impressive. Your whole pro- posal was great. I want to do this. Let’s figure it out.”
When my leg stopped shaking and I was finally able to say two coherent sentences, we started to get a dialogue going.
We talked for about forty-five minutes, hammered out a bunch of details, and he was a straight-up gentleman the whole time. Then he put his phone on speaker, dialed a number and I heard this woman pick up.
David: “Pamela, Tommy. I want you two to meet Dean.”
Tommy: “What’s up, man.”
Pamela: “Hey, Dean!”
Holy shit. That was Pamela Anderson saying my name!
David: “Guys, this is a home run. Like, I don’t know how
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 43
we found this guy. This is amazing. I’m going to start for- malizing the agreement. Let’s do this.”
Tommy: “Awesome, we’re in!”
David: “Hey, do you have plans tonight? How about you do dinner with Pamela and Tommy tonight to celebrate? We’ll do the four of us.”
Dean: “Uh…yeah…I can do that.”
He shookmy hand, walkedme out, and I felt like I was in a dream. I made it! I’m going to dinner with Pamela Ander- son megastar, and Tommy Lee, the coolest rockstar alive! This was my first time in LA, so I rented a convertible like a total tourist, and there I was, driving down Sunset Boulevard blastingmusic and smiling to the point of embar- rassment. I cringe to write this now, but honestly, driving around LA in my convertible, I felt like I’d made it. I was the poor mechanic with dirt under his nails that the biggest names in Hollywood wanted to do business with me!
All that anxiety, all that fear, man, that was bullshit. I do belong here, I am good enough!
As I was taking in all the colors of LA inmy rented car, fanta-
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sizing about which house I would buy andwhat restaurants I’d have private tables at when my cell phone rang; it was David. “Hey listen, I’m sitting here with Pamela and Tommy’s manager. He just wants to get clear on a few things before the meeting with you and Pamela and Tommy, could you run back over here? Won’t take long.” I drove right back over, walked into the office with a new- found level of confidence and went to shake the hand of Tommy’s manager.
He didn’t shake my hand.
“I need to know something—how the FUCK did you get in this office?”
I was stunned. For a second, I really thought he was asking me how I physically got to the office. I was about to tell him that David’s secretary gaveme directions and I drove there from the airport, but that’s not what he was asking. “How the fuck did you get in here? You’re some nobody from upstate New York, you didn’t go to college, you got some little internet business? How much do you do, a mil- lion a year? Is that what you do? Are you amillionaire? I bet
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 45
that impresses all your small town friends, doesn’t it? And you think you can come in here with your bullshit idea and work with us? We don’t need you.” I was stunned. Speechless. Lip quivering. Not even twomin- utes ago, I was the happiest I’d ever been inmy life, and now here I was, in themiddle of my worst nightmare. Everything I worried about, all my anxiety, all of it came flooding back. I tried to answer, but all I could do was stutter out a few choppy phrases, “I’m sorry…I know it’s just a little site…but I have the merchant account connections…you can just judge it on the merits…I have all the video streaming technology already set up…I canmake this work, it’s already working onmy site…” He cut me off, “Yeah, the idea may be good. So, then why the hell would we do this with you? You don’t think we got better connections than you? You’re going to have to leave. We’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
David said to me, “Dean, during the dinner with Tommy and Pamela tonight—”
The manager barked at him, “There’s no fucking dinner! I canceled that already. Goodbye, Dean.”
I went back to my hotel room, and for three hours, I did
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nothing but cry. I heaved and sobbed and cried like I was dying. And honestly, part of me felt like I had died.
I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. All night, between my sobs, all my negative self-talk came back. Who the hell did I think I was? He’s right. I am just a nobody from Marl- boro, New York. I’m just a dreamer like so many people have accused me of being in the past. I don’t belong out here. I should never have let this happen. David called me the next morning, apologized, and told me what I already knew: the deal was off. I got on the next plane back to New York, and slunk home. I got off the plane from California, tail between my legs, feeling pathetic. After a full day of travel, I finally got back tomy place late at night. My answeringmachine was going crazy with messages. One of my apartment houses had a literal sewage explosion. There was an issue with the septic tank being clogged and all the waste from the three stories above it dumped into one little bathroom. The sewage was literally knee-high in his bathroom, and of course, he’s calling me screaming that there’s shit all over his house. Believe it or not, it actually got worse.
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 47
I called everyone I knew, and no one—not a single plumber or handyman—was available late on a Saturday night.
So I went over there and started shoveling shit into a spackling bucket—what else could I do? I had my fishing waders, no exaggeration, and a painting mask, shoveling raw sewage for three hours on a Saturday night.
I have had some lowmoments inmy life, but that might be one of the worst.
UNDERDOGS HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE (AND CAN USE THIS TO DO ANYTHING) Everyone looks at all the advantages that the so-called privileged have and miss the massive advantage that the underdog has:
When you have nothing to lose, you can do anything you want.
You have no risk. When no one expects you to do anything, then you can do everything.
As an underdog, you almost can’t lose. All you have to do is try, because even the attempt is better than you were before.
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Underdogs can take risks, they can experiment, they can try and fail, because who cares if they lose? It doesn’t matter. It’s ALL upside. This is not unique to me. Lots of underdogs do it. One of my favorite examples is the actor, Danny Trejo. You most likely know him without realizing it, he’s the super tough- looking guy in every movie. Danny was a bigger underdog than me. He grew up as a child drug addict and criminal, in and out of prison for years. While serving time in San Quentin, he competed in andwon the prison boxing title. He got out, cleaned himself up in a twelve-step program, and began to sponsor other guys. One of the guys he sponsored was an actor, and had an emergency on amovie set. Danny rushed to his aid, and the director was so impressed with Danny’s appearance and manner, he offered Danny a role as an extra in the movie. It gets better. The director learned of Trejo’s boxing skills and paid him to train the actors for a boxingmatch that was later in the movie. And he did so well training the actors that he re-cast Danny as the main competitor for the lead actor in the boxing match.
Now, think about this: Danny was the furthest thing from
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U n d e r dog s H av e Not h i n g to Lo s e · 49
a Hollywood actor. He had no business on a movie set. He knew this, so he just had fun with it and tried his best. And because he had nothing to lose, he ended up doing a great job…and became one of the most iconic character actors in America today. I now look for ways to constantly put myself back in the mindset of an underdog, even though in somany ways that is not what I am at all. I put myself in that state of mind because it frees me up to do what I know I have to do to suc- ceed: take risks, be free, explore, and just have fun because everything is a bonus.
Underdogs have nothing to lose.
Underdogs have no one to impress.
Underdogs have no expectations to meet.
Underdogs have nowhere to go but up.
I’m telling you, as a guy who has been at the lowest lows you can get to, and some of the highest highs, I actually did some of my best work when I was down and out and no one expected anything fromme.
When I had nothing to lose, I felt free to be who I really was.
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HOW HOLLYWOOD TAUGHT ME I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE The whole time I was shoveling that shit inmy rental house, I was thinking to myself, “I guess this is where I deserved to be. This is just a sign fromGod, obviously.”
That’s the stuff that you think about in moments like that, don’t you?
But as I thought that, it started to get better. My self-talk changed, “You know what, I’m successful. I own several apartment houses. Yeah, I’m cleaning shit out of one of them, but I still own them. I’m not poor, I’m not broke.” Several months later, I saw that they launched the site on their own. They took my idea, down to every detail, and did it themselves. Pamela was on Jay Leno, she was talking about it, and she was using the exact language I’d written in my proposal about what she’d say on his show. I got sick. Literally sick tomy stomach. She was considered by many to be one of the hottest women on earth, and I couldn’t even look at Pamela as she said my words. It hurt me on a deep level, and it brought back my insecurities.
I thought to myself, “I reached my plateau. I tried to go to California with the big boys. I stepped off the path, got bit
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